Madman For a Day

There’s something about being dangerous that is unbelievably exciting. I suppose that’s why “Breaking Bad” was such a huge TV show. Everyone secretly wants to be a dangerous, murderous meth kingpin. Fortunately, most people are happy to live vicariously through fictional characters instead of cooking the purest meth known to man. I’ve never been considered […]

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You Can Crown Me the King of Confrontation

Confrontation is an uncomfortable thing. There is nothing pleasant about it. Sure, it isn’t the worst thing I could ever have to face. If I were to be forced to choose between confrontation and an angry bear, I would choose confrontation, but only because confrontation with an angry bear would most likely end with mauling. […]

Operation Boob Tube, Part 3: The Part of the Story Where It Ends

And now the exciting conclusion… We sat there throughout the game. Sure, I was enjoying the hockey, but I had destiny on my mind.  With  a minute left in the game, I gave my sister the top-secret ultra-hush-hush super-stealthy signal that it was time for my plan to be sat in motion. “Hey,” I said. “We […]

Warning: Pumping Gas and Morning Do Not Mix

Life is much harder in the morning. Even the simplest tasks can be daunting. You can suddenly find yourself staring at a shoelace as if you were facing the summit of Everest. That is how I found myself driving down I-440 with the door to my gas tank open. It started out like many other […]

Skipping And Restrooms, Together At Last

I don’t understand why movie theatres sell large drinks. They find suckers like me and post pictures of drinks, almost as if to say, “A movie is a REALLY long time to go without some sort of refreshment. Good luck with your dry and itchy throat!” I almost have no choice but to spend every […]

Turn Your Business Into an Award Winner in Literally Ten Seconds Or Less

    In our current economic state, it can be hard to make a living. There are 8.3% of Americans unemployed which translates to roughly 830 billion people (I’m not great at percentages). More than 43 million people are under the poverty line. Millions of others are underemployed. No one is making the money they […]

Gordon the Forgotten Garage Sale

It was early in the morning when the people came outside. They carried their knickknacks and their bric-à-brac and set it up on the lawn. Piles of curios and long forgotten nonsensical items covered the grass. That is how Gordon the Garage Sale came to be. Gordon felt confident. He knew exactly what he had […]