Turn Your Business Into an Award Winner in Literally Ten Seconds Or Less

 

Look! Someone won an award! (Photo credit: danmachold)

 

In our current economic state, it can be hard to make a living. There are 8.3% of Americans unemployed which translates to roughly 830 billion people (I’m not great at percentages). More than 43 million people are under the poverty line. Millions of others are underemployed.

No one is making the money they think they deserve.

For people owning their own small business, the times are even more challenging. According to statistics I think I heard once, 9 out of 10 restaurants fail in the first year. That tenth restaurant is probably a Chili’s because those things seem to be everywhere. For the owners of these small businesses, any sort of publicity will help drive business in and make you money.

That’s why I am starting my new company, Contestators.

At Contestators, we exist solely to make your business look good. Nothing makes a company look better than being able to say you are the best at something. Actually, let’s take a second to back track. Nothing makes a company look better than being able to say you are the best at something PEOPLE LIKE. You do not want to go out and advertise your restaurant as “The Best Way to Get Salmonella” or your store as “The Stabbiest Place to Shop.” This will make things very bad for you.

Since we understand that awards are simply the best way to say “Hey! You need to come here!” we at Contestators are here to help. For a small fee, we can provide you with a guarantee that you are the best.

The process is simple. Once your check has cleared, we will begin the process of setting up a contest against your biggest competitors. We will give the stack of invitations to our ditzy yet loveable secretary, Brittni (usually spelled with a heart dotting the “I”). While we all very much like Brittni and would take a bullet for her, she is not the most reliable person. She will probably get distracted doing whatever it is Brittni does and then, darn the luck! No one else will show up to this event!

Thus, you have become the winner of the award for best whatever.

Imagine how good it would look having a banner inside your front door saying “Voted Best Place to Get Copies, 2012.” Maybe you would like to declare that your company was voted “Cleanest Porta-Potty Distributor in the Eastern Region, 2012.” We can do that. The possibilities are endless.

Not only is this great for businesses, but individuals could benefit from our services as well. Imagine showing up to your high school reunion and being able to tell people that you were voted “Most Successful Employee.” Nothing will impress the ladies like being voted “Most Sensitive and Caring Guy in the United States, 2012.”

Your time of quietly sitting back and waiting is over. Now people will have no choice but to notice you. You are, after all, an award-winning business.

Contestators: Voted Best Business Improver Ever, 2012. Give us a call and let us give you a boost.