Dear Nathan: Help! My Daughter Is A Phone-Obsessed Terror!

DEAR NATHAN: Our 13-year-old is addicted to her phone. She stays on it for hours, and it’s affecting the time she goes to bed. She’s now starting to oversleep the alarm in the morning before school. She’s spoiled, and I’m afraid that removing or limiting phone privileges will lead to major problems with her protesting […]

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The Best Way to Blow a Kid’s Mind: Homelessness

Five-year-olds are a challenge. Visiting with my niece, I remember the days when she was little. She was an absolute delight, the very first baby that I wasn’t terrified of holding, worried that I would somehow break the baby in half just by picking her up wrong. Then at some point she went ahead and […]

Babies: The World’s Most Adorable Money Suck

Disclaimer: The following post involves shopping for items that would be involved in the raising of a child. If you are a parent of either myself or my wife, I must warn you this does not imply we are considering having a child right now. It was for a friend. Once again, not right now. […]

The Cutest Widdle Iddy Biddy Post Ever…

This weekend, I spent a good amount of time around babies. These little tiny humans were being held by bigger, full-sized humans. Despite the fact that both sizes of people were the same species, there was a special language being spoken. “AW! Wook at youw widdle nose! You awe soooo cute! Yes you awe! You […]

A Horse With Glue Never Gets the Job Done: The Story of Humpty Dumpty

It is a well-known fact that I am not a huge fan of kids. I could delve into the reasons again or you could just watch “Children of the Corn” and figure it out for yourself. Despite this wish to steer clear of any person who cannot manage to wipe themselves, I constantly find myself […]

Deep Thoughts From My 3-Year-Old Niece

“I like a sock, pants, and underwear sandwich.” “NO DADDY! We do NOT do that with our crayons! Crayons are NOT for throwing!” “EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!” (Said while running through the kitchen nude, slapping her own butt.) “That music was perfect for pottying…” “Do we eat our poop?”

KIDS: The Workout You’ve Always Dreamed Of

Are you tired of feeling sluggish? Do you look in the mirror every morning and think to yourself, “GROOOOOSSSSSSS! I look like THAT?!” Do you frequently find yourself unable to lift even the simplest objects like a bag or groceries or even just one single grocery? Have I got great news for you. After years […]

Sextuplets: Why? No, seriously. Are you being punished for something?

I don’t care for children. Sure, they’re adorable, with their little feet and hands. Sometimes they do funny things. Also, they finally give you an excuse to eat Fruity Pebbles and play with your G.I. Joe’s again. Unfortunately, they are also little people that you are supposed to take care of. When they are new, […]

The Battle Between My Adult Self and Inner-Child Rages On

I’m distracted today. Not that it’s a rare occurrence for me to feel some of blockage to the attention-paying portion of my brain (I believe it’s the attention cortex). I’m from the MTV generation, so naturally I haven’t paid full attention to anything, in, well, probably in forever (unless my wife asks, in which case, […]