The Candy Store Fiasco 2: Havana Nights

For those who did not read my blog yesterday, you will be very lost. Before you go on to what is certain to be a rousing and incredibly entertaining post, please go back and read. We’ll wait.           Okay. Everybody should be caught up. We can continue.   I slowly made […]

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Lady Gaga and Mystery Man Arrested After Hot Air Balloon Joy Ride*

There, on the front page of Yahoo, was what was sure to be the biggest news story of the year. “Bad-boy Actor Pummels Justin Bieber.” Finally, after tormenting the world for what seems like years, some actor had taken care of Bieber once and for all. It was probably Nicholas Cage. Cage doesn’t seem to […]

The Great Pop Star Conspiracy

Conspiracy theories are everywhere. No matter how ridiculous these ideas, people will not let them go. People continue to insist that Elvis and Tupac are alive and well, frolicking on the beach. They thought the same about Hitler, though if he was still alive, he would be 123. Odds are his frolicking would be much […]

The Beatles 2.0: Paul McCartney’s Son Tries to Kill Music

As an audiophile a gigantic music nerd, there are few rules I feel that the music world should follow. No band should use an electronic instrument if they can use a real instrument to make that same sound. No matter what anyone says, bands like Coldplay are not brilliant musically unless you consider trying to […]

2012: The Year I Lose My Mind

It’s happened once again. After days of excitement and preparation, we stayed up late last night as some fellow who called himself Lady Gaga caused a giant ball to drop in New York City. People cheered and hollered and made out, with tongue, on national TV. We did not find this as uncomfortable to witness […]

The Dangers of Wikipedia

There are quite a few people in the world that I do not care for. Brett Favre. Lady Gaga. Anyone who has ever had the last name Kardashian. My hatred for these people, though, pales in comparison to the abhorrence I feel for two men. I loathe Larry Sanger and Jimmy Wales. “Who are these […]

Nose Picking and Dancing: Two Driving Activities I Do Not Recommend

Dear Lady Next to me at the Stoplight, Hi. It was great that we could meet up like this this morning. I couldn’t help but noticing that your car seems very nice. Is it new? If not, I’m impressed with the care that you have used with your car. It still looks like it just […]

Vice President Joe Biden Kills the Fiddlin’ Foresters. Not Literally, But Still…

America, these are uncertain days. After decades of prosperity, our government is running out of money. Actually, we were running out of money a while ago, before we were in debt. Now, we’re REALLY running out of money. Fortunately, our government is on the job. Vice President Joe Biden has stopped all of his current […]

Don’t Know What To Say? Never Have a Boring Conversation Again…

During the weekend, many people attend get-togethers. That is a nicer way of saying they are forced to make conversation with people they have nothing in common with. I assume that people who read my blog are also like me, in the way that you hate making conversation and don’t know what to say when […]