It isn’t easy being a neurotic mess. Sure, Woody Allen made it look effortless in every single one of his movies. Larry David has made a career out of making neurosis appear easy. As a self-proclaimed high-strung nutjob, though, I can tell you that some days your mind has to go miles out of its […]
I am falling apart. My body is crumbling into nothing more than a pile of human dust. Granted, it is ruggedly handsome human dust, but human dust nonetheless. What is to blame for this human disintegration? Why, of course it would be my attempts at health. Months ago, I decided to get into shape. I […]
Being healthy is the worst. I should really clarify, I suppose. Behaving in a healthy manner is the worst. Having physical health is an okay thing, I suppose, though if behaving in a healthy manner is what it takes to achieve it, I fear it may be highly overrated. Recently, I decided to be a […]
DEAR NATHAN: My husband drinks milk straight from the carton. He says it’s OK because he’s the only one in the house who drinks milk. (True.) I have told him I find it disgusting and that company often drinks milk, having no idea that he drinks straight from the carton. Isn’t this unsanitary — not […]
Substitute your favorite junk food with a healthy snack. Nothing will derail your weight loss plans quicker than a craving for a bag of Doritos JACKED Ranch Dipped Hot Wings flavored chips. Find a healthier snack to satisfy that craving. This should not be hard as just about anything is healthier. Pay attention to portion […]
Nothing is better than a midday walk. Having a bit of time during lunch, I decided to get some much-needed exercise. I walked up the street, through a parking lot and into the area around the neighboring office building. There, next to that office building, sat a graveyard. Not a metaphorical graveyard: an actual, real […]
Tuesday started off very poorly. I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock. After hitting snooze until the very last second I could, I crawled out of bed. I stood up straight and immediately realized two things. I was still tired. Not regular tired, but somehow after a full night’s sleep, I was more […]
Dear man who collected my urine today, It was great meeting you today. You seemed like a perfectly friendly person. Under normal circumstances, we might have become friends. Of course, normal circumstances do not involve the exchange of my urine. I wanted to take a second to apologize to you. It’s not that I […]
Several days ago, I began a tale of dread, a saga of horror. I began to tell the story of my trip to the Driver’s License Bureau. We now will rejoin this tale as our hero is headed to the second of the three lines. Line 2: Versus Per Totus Of Numerus (The Line […]
The following post may seem very incoherent. Please do not hold it against me. It was early Wednesday morning when I awoke. I got out of my bed ready to start the day, only something did not seem right. I looked at the clock thinking maybe I had pulled a Rip Van Winkle and slept […]
The Life and Times of Nathan Badley... 