Admissions of a Whole Foods Outsider

Everyone needs a place where they feel they belong. A place of camaraderie where you will feel comfortable no matter what. I have found in my lifetime that I possess the ability to become a bit of a chameleon, able to blend into most situations with relative ease. I rarely embarrass myself or find myself worried […]


No You Aren’t Paranoid, They Really Are Watching You

One day, many years ago, mankind was created. We could spend all day debating how this happened, whether some sort of slimy creature crawled out of the ocean and decided they would rather walk on two legs, build civilizations, and create marvels of human creation like the pyramids or the Big Mac, or whether some […]

Topless Women Officially Scrape the Bottom of the Protesting Barrel

“Oh, if I could but live another century and see the fruition of all the work for women! There is so much yet to be done.” -Susan B. Anthony, prominent civil rights leader “If we mean to have heroes, statesmen and philosophers, we should have learned women.”-Abigail Adams, former first lady and woman’s rights advocate […]

You Guide To The Ultimate Pick-Up Line

Let’s face it. It is hard out there for single people. At least that’s what I hear. I don’t know from experience because I was able to trick someone into marrying me, but if I hadn’t fooled her into thinking I was the heir to the Dum-Dum suckers fortune, I would be a lonely loser […]

Dear Nathan

DEAR NATHAN: One of my friends, “Max,” cheats at golf. Otherwise he’s witty, interesting and fun to be around. He moves his ball closer to the hole on the green and “improves” his lie when he thinks no one is looking. I have tried to overlook Max’s transgressions, but others in our golf group talk […]

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad March

It’s here! Finally the biggest and best day of the year has arrived. The NCAA tournament has begun! (Editor’s Note: Today is not really the most important day.) Wait… what do you mean it isn’t the most important day? (Editor’s Note: I mean it really is not that important of a day at all. Do […]

I’m Sorry, Please Don’t Sue Me

I think it’s time for me to go into hiding. Apparently, my kind has been made enemy number one. For those who have not heard, a blogger by the name of Crystal Cox was ordered by an Oregon (Oregonian?) court to pay $2.5 million in a defamation suit. Cox is an investigative blogger who uncovers […]

The Dangers of Wikipedia

There are quite a few people in the world that I do not care for. Brett Favre. Lady Gaga. Anyone who has ever had the last name Kardashian. My hatred for these people, though, pales in comparison to the abhorrence I feel for two men. I loathe Larry Sanger and Jimmy Wales. “Who are these […]

Diet Tips Guaranteed to Make You Lose Weight. Maybe.

The internet is a wonderful tool. It can help you find all kinds of things, from a recipe for Mango-Chutney Beef Tenderloin to who that guy is on that one commercial, what have I seen him in, and why is he doing commercials now? (That, I believe, is the single most asked question on the […]