No, Benjamin Franklin, You Do Not Earn a Saved Penny

When you learn about Benjamin Franklin in the first grade, it becomes pretty apparent that he was a very important person. I mean, the guy was an author, an inventor, one of the founding fathers. He discovered electricity. He is essentially a history class in himself. It makes sense that we talk about him. One […]

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The Story of Christopher Columbus

As children, we are taught many rhymes. We are taught rhymes about women who live in shoes and rhymes about girls who, for some reason, eat curds and whey. There is a spider that goes up a water spout and a lamb that follows a girl to school. Amongst all of these rhymes, though, sits […]

Things To Think About

-People always say “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” That, though, does not seem like a specific enough statement. Where are the tough going? Maybe they went to grab some Korean food or to pick up a pack of gum. A better statement would be “When the going gets tough, the tough […]

The Horrors of War

They say that war is Hell. While this not upheld by any Biblical scripture, people seem to be in agreement. Far and wide, people are not huge fans of war. Since I declared war on that menace, The Hobbler, roughly 250,000 people have met their demise. Granted, none of these deaths were directly caused by […]

Happy Easter! Enjoy Your Rabbit Eggs…

Easter is full of a great number of things. Delicious egg shaped candies. Terrible egg shaped candies. Pastel colors. Awkwardness when you wish a person of Jewish descent “Happy Easter.” The most popular of these things, though, seems to be the Easter Bunny. Yes, the legend of a hermaphroditic rabbit (seriously, look it up) has […]

I Guess My Blog is Lovely?

I don’t win a lot of things. I once beat my phone at a game of Monopoly, but I’m still pretty convinced that was a fluke. Because of this, my life has been fairly awardless. (Yes, I know awardless isn’t a word. Thanks for noticing, Captain Dictionary.) I do not frequently win or receive nominations […]

Happ(le)y Birthday, Johnny Appleseed. You Were One Fruit Obsessed Freak.

There are a few smells associated with fall. There is the smell of cinnamon, the smell of a campfire, the smell of a child’s vomit after too much Halloween candy (a smell comprised of two parts Snickers’ bar, one part Tootsie Pop, and four parts stomach lining). One big smell people always think of, though, […]

Noah’s Ark 2.0: Now With More Robots

I’ve never been to Disney World. When I say this, the usual response is something between a shout of “WHAT?!” and a gasp, usually coming out, “Whuuuuuuuuuauauauauau?!” Apparently this is the most important place in history to visit, and poor Nathan has never had the priviledge to ride spinning tea cups or look at a […]

National Cheesecake Day: A Look Back At the History of Cheesecake

Happy National Cheesecake Day! In our of our favorite cheese based dessert, we will take a minute to look back at the history of this incredibly heavy dessert. 500 BC- Aegimus, a Greek physician, writes a book on the art of making cheesecake. In a possibly related note, the average weight of the Greeks balloons […]

North Dakota is Technically Not a State, Also Technically Not Interesting

Warning: The following post contains graphic taunting of the state of North Dakota. I would like to apologize to each and every North Dakotan (all eight of you) in advance. This is not directed at any of you, but rather at the incredibly dull and lifeless area of the country that you have chosen to […]