Thanks For Your Birthday Wishes. Now Leave Me Alone.

Barring some unforeseen terrible happenstance, tomorrow will be my birthday. This will be my 26th one of these. I’ve been around the block, I know how this goes. To save myself time tomorrow, I would like to respond to all of the birthday wishes now. To all of those who are going to ask “So… […]


Pope Joins Twitter. Is Instagramming All of His Food Next?

It was bound to happen. With 500 million people on Twitter, eventually the trend would reach the holiest person on the entire planet. Also the owner of the biggest hat. At last, the Pope has joined Twitter. Going by the handle @pontifex, the Pope*will be tweeting “what he wants to tweet.” For those of you […]

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Prove True Love is Dead and There is Nothing Anyone Can Do About It

Listen closely. Just put your hands up to your ears. If you focus, you can hear the tears of every romantic falling to the ground. For what seems like forever, we have paid witness to the truest example of love the world has ever seen. It was a fairytale romance between the girl next door […]

Turn Your Business Into an Award Winner in Literally Ten Seconds Or Less

    In our current economic state, it can be hard to make a living. There are 8.3% of Americans unemployed which translates to roughly 830 billion people (I’m not great at percentages). More than 43 million people are under the poverty line. Millions of others are underemployed. No one is making the money they […]

Watch Your Back, Flies. My Wife is After You…

My house has become a fly danger zone. Every three to four seconds, I hear a loud “FWAP” followed by my wife screaming “I GOT YOU, FLY!” She will then proceed to dance over the fly’s dead body, admiring her kill. She is a bit strange. As the more sensitive person in the relationship, I […]

Happy Canada Day!

As an American, this blog can become very USA-centric. That is not fair. There are literally dozens of other countries around the world, many of them carrying an actual importance with them. The USA is not the only country in the entire universe. For instance, there is Canada. I have been to Canada not once, […]

The Horrors of War

They say that war is Hell. While this not upheld by any Biblical scripture, people seem to be in agreement. Far and wide, people are not huge fans of war. Since I declared war on that menace, The Hobbler, roughly 250,000 people have met their demise. Granted, none of these deaths were directly caused by […]

Beauty: The Ultimate Hardship

The internet is full of jerks. No story can be posted without a comment or two from mental defectives hoping to make themselves look cool. It’s like being on the elementary school playground, the only difference being that MOST, not ALL of the bullies still live in their parents’ house. While every post is subject […]

Roseanne Barr: America’s Greatest President

With comedienne Roseanne Barr’s announcement that she will seek the Green Party’s presidential nomination, many people were baffled. Why would Roseanne Barr want to be president? Could she do a good job? Is Roseanne Barr still alive because I’m pretty sure I saw someone say she was dead on Twitter? Barr has been a strong […]