A World Of Hate

There are some things you never expect to see. Yesterday, in between goofing around with friends and a relaxing afternoon spent with my couch and trusty Netflix account, one of those things happened. My CNN app alerted me to breaking news. I assumed that, like the last 50 or so, this would be regarding the […]

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Febreze Teaches Us About The Scent of the Sun

Dear Febreze Air Freshener, Over the years, you have been there for me and I want to thank you for that. When a dog laid on my jacket and coated it in dog-stink, you were there. When I neglected to take my trash out for several days despite the multiple scents that were emanating from […]

Farewell, Kansas City

It was the summer after my first grade year. The first seven years of my life had been, to my knowledge, pretty good. I had no major complaints, I had made some friends, and had even learned to ride my bike without training wheels. Things could not be better. Despite this, I found myself leaving […]

Politicians Made Victims of Media’s Heinous Plot to Use Facts Against Them

There was a time in our history when journalism was conscientious. The media had a responsibility to report facts and sensationalizing of a story was left to the likes of scumbags and muckrakers like William Randolph Hearst. Slowly, though, Hearstian reporting took over. Now you cannot turn on the TV without hearing some knucklehead making a […]

Westboro Baptist Church To Protest Aurora Memorial Service. You Know, Because That Makes Sense…

On July 20, 2012, James Holmes “allegedly” (apparently the definition of “allegedly” has been expanded to include “absolutely, without a doubt, did this thing”) walked into a midnight showing of “The Dark Knight Rises” and began firing. He killed 12 and injured 58 innocent movie patrons. As one might imagine, this has made Holmes the […]

My Day at the Airport

8:30- Arrive at the airport. My 9:30 flight is delayed until 11:30. I have no choice but to kill time until my flight by wandering through every store in the airport terminal. 8:35- Having forgotten how Kansas City International works, I am reminded that there are only two stores in the entire terminal. Having seen […]

Meet Nathan, the World’s Worst Wedding Usher

“Hi. Bride or groom?” After never having asked this question once in my life, all of a sudden I was forced to ask this 200 times within a 30 minute time frame. I didn’t even really understand the question. Was there going to be a massive all out war between the two sides? Was I […]

North Dakota is Technically Not a State, Also Technically Not Interesting

Warning: The following post contains graphic taunting of the state of North Dakota. I would like to apologize to each and every North Dakotan (all eight of you) in advance. This is not directed at any of you, but rather at the incredibly dull and lifeless area of the country that you have chosen to […]

Congratulations, Your Marriage Proposal Looks Pretty Darn Good Now

I remember my marriage proposal like it was yesterday. It was dark outside because that is usually what happens at night here in Kansas. After having a dinner that I cooked myself (I am an excellent cook), I pulled out a ring a proposed. She mentally went through her pros and cons list and, fortunately, […]

To Those Who Were Offended By My Writing

Earlier this week, I wrote a piece about the government’s possible shutdown. In this piece, I jokingly nominated myself as future president of America. While I was sure that this was obviously a suggestion to be taken likely, I was clearly wrong. Yesterday, I received this message about my piece: “Dude You’re an idiot some […]