To Those Who Were Offended By My Writing

Earlier this week, I wrote a piece about the government’s possible shutdown. In this piece, I jokingly nominated myself as future president of America.

While I was sure that this was obviously a suggestion to be taken likely, I was clearly wrong. Yesterday, I received this message about my piece:

“Dude You’re an idiot some dumb border crossing excuse me you prob came here in a banana boat and who would vote for you? an idiot who give’s a damn about the goverment you want to be treated fairly and not worry about the so-called goverment taxing you’re checks to almost nothing in return and make you pay if you don’t file taxes? kinda stupid move to canada better place to live! Get out of fantasy island kid”

First off, I would like to address the accusations that I am a “dumb border crossing (guy)” who “came here in banana boat.” While I may be dumb, I have crossed very few borders in my lifetime (unless we are counting the Kansas and Missouri border, which I have crossed repeatedly). I have gone to Canada twice, because where else am I supposed to find a duty free hacky-sack with a maple leaf on it?

I have never been on either a boat that ships bananas or a boat made of bananas either. I did, however, have a banana for breakfast.

Secondly, I don’t know who would vote for me. I don’t really want people to vote for me. I wouldn’t even vote for me. As I have already said, I’m not ACTUALLY running for president.

I’m not sure why we started talking about taxes, but judging by your comment, the government took all of your punctuation for taxes this year. I am very sorry about that. If you would like to borrow some periods from me, I can spare them. That’s just the kind of guy I am.

I have no interest in moving to Canada, not that there is anything wrong with Canada. I love Canadian Bacon and hockey is enjoyable.

Moving to Canada does seem infinitely better than living on Fantasy Island, however. Did you ever see that show? The little guy screaming “Da Plane! Da Plane!” all the time. It’s definitely not for me, and I appreciate you recognizing that I don’t belong on Fantasy Island and should “Get out of (it).”

I would like to apologize to you. Clearly I was not clear enough with my writing. See, my attempt was to make fun of both sides of the aisle because neither one seems to have our best interests in mind. Also, they just make it so darn easy.

I do not actually believe I would be a better leader, and (I can’t believe I’m writing this) I do not really propose an international pizza party, a tower to the moon, or any of the other nonsense I “proposed” in that piece. That was called a joke, one which was not very good, seeing as how you did not recognize it as an attempt at humor.

Thank you for writing, though. I appreciate any and all feedback.

Oh, and government has an n in it.

Love,

Nathan

  • Banana (afreshtaste.wordpress.com)

13 thoughts on “To Those Who Were Offended By My Writing

  1. Hahahahah…don’t you just love it when people think they are really smart and stuff, and they are just not. What the hell…thanks for the laugh. Great post. Now I am going to read the one that made him so mad he couldn’t use punctuation…oh and by the way, I am from Canada, so anything you need let me know, I can ship it down…well except our famous weed, cause I think maybe the hater has it all…

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  2. lol! that’s good stuff… I find it pretty hilarious how unintelligent he deems you to be despite the many indications–which he surely must be aware of–that he is, in fact, unintelligent.

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  3. D*mn! You mean to tell me all my dreams of seeing a real tower to the moon was just..a..joke!!! 😦 *sob*

    Oh, well…I guess I’m just lucky to live where I do because the politicos in *my* country would think it viable and feasible and appropriate to build that tower!!

    There is /was this site by a Malaysian that produced “news” -which of course were all jokes, though there may have been some small tiny little grain of truth in it, so he wrote this article on how the Malaysian national electricity company was going to sue the WWF for having Earth Hour (the hour where people commit to switch off all electrical things including lights)….the big wigs of the company actually took the guy to court because they said he was lying..but…he WAS! That was the whole point of it!!!

    You can google Nose4News – the owner of the site is a babboon! hehe!

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  4. You really should be worried about “the goverment taxing you’re checks..” I know I am. To the commentor’s credit, there is no spell check for comments. I’m sure it would have been better had that been available.

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