The Greatest Presidents’ Day Pageant Ever

Let’s be honest: Presidents’ Day gets the shaft. As far as holidays go, it falls somewhere between Labor Day and Micronesia Independence Day. Aside from some killer sales on cars (“0.9% APR on a new Honda!”) and a day off work, no one really cares about Presidents’ Day. Well, it’s time for that to change. […]

Oh, Great! NOW It’s the Year of the Dragon…

There are several reasons I am jealous of the Chinese culture. They have a Great Wall. Their generals are not known for killing, but for being delicious chicken dishes. They can actually read the tattoos that ditzy blond ladies get and know for a fact that it does not say beautiful, but rather “truly dumb […]

Happ(le)y Birthday, Johnny Appleseed. You Were One Fruit Obsessed Freak.

There are a few smells associated with fall. There is the smell of cinnamon, the smell of a campfire, the smell of a child’s vomit after too much Halloween candy (a smell comprised of two parts Snickers’ bar, one part Tootsie Pop, and four parts stomach lining). One big smell people always think of, though, […]

All Hail King of the Words

When I was a kid, people would always ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Unlike most kids, I never wanted to be a firefighter or astronaut or ostrich-riding cowboy on the Serengeti desert, wielding only an ice cream-shooting gun for protection (Sometimes, kids are not realistic). I never had a […]

National Cheesecake Day: A Look Back At the History of Cheesecake

Happy National Cheesecake Day! In our of our favorite cheese based dessert, we will take a minute to look back at the history of this incredibly heavy dessert. 500 BC- Aegimus, a Greek physician, writes a book on the art of making cheesecake. In a possibly related note, the average weight of the Greeks balloons […]

Kitchen Safety: How To Avoid Dying In The Most Dangerous Room Ever Created

There are some days where you feel like an idiot. A big honkin’ idiot. An idiot to end all idiots, the idiot king if you will. Everyone has those days. You accidentally trip and skin your knee on your way to work, you fall off of a treadmill during your daily workout routine, you accidentally […]

More Tips For An Exciting Conversation

A while back, I posted several ways to start a conversation for the more awkward amongst us. After all, it can be hard to make friends, particularly if everything that comes out of your mouth is complete and utter nonsense. In a continuation of my effort to help these people overcome their issues and remove themselves […]

North Dakota is Technically Not a State, Also Technically Not Interesting

Warning: The following post contains graphic taunting of the state of North Dakota. I would like to apologize to each and every North Dakotan (all eight of you) in advance. This is not directed at any of you, but rather at the incredibly dull and lifeless area of the country that you have chosen to […]