Inaugurate This

At some point in the life of every American child, they dream of becoming president of the United States. This is a dream slightly lower than the dream of magical space traveler and unicorn breeder, all with only a slightly higher likelihood of happening. The thing they don’t tell you as a kid is one […]

Trump’s Right. Let’s Make America Great Again!

Dateline: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1776. After a great deal of tea-related bickering and the subsequent beginning of a war, a group of men have had enough. “I do say that these British brutes must be dealt with!” declared a chubby bespectacled man named Benjamin Franklin. In 1745, Franklin had authored a letter entitled “Advice to a […]

Congratulations, ____________. America Is In Great Hands.

As a patriotic individual, I felt it was my duty to comment on the 2012 presidential election that took place today. Unfortunately, I could not wait to post it. They won’t know who won until, like, 9 o’clock. I will be far too tired to write about the purple mountain’s majesty or fruited plains by […]

Things To Think About

-People always say “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” That, though, does not seem like a specific enough statement. Where are the tough going? Maybe they went to grab some Korean food or to pick up a pack of gum. A better statement would be “When the going gets tough, the tough […]

Campaigning For President: Only Slightly More Fun Than a Shark Attack

  Warning: The following post is about American politics. If you are from a foreign land you may not care about what is said here. If you are from America, you may not care either, but I can call you unpatriotic if you don’t read this, so ha.   When I was a kid, teachers […]

Don’t Know What To Say? Never Have a Boring Conversation Again…

During the weekend, many people attend get-togethers. That is a nicer way of saying they are forced to make conversation with people they have nothing in common with. I assume that people who read my blog are also like me, in the way that you hate making conversation and don’t know what to say when […]

How I Saved The President: A Completely Fictional Account

I opened my eyes just in time to see the sun peek out over the trees on the east side of the backyard that morning. As I attempted to focus, the light spilled in between the slats of my blinds, revealing the dust in every corner of my bedroom. I began my morning routine, the […]