There’s Always Next Year, Royals Fans

I was six the first time I became aware of sports. I mean, I’m sure I knew about sports before that. I was not completely unaware of the world. It’s just that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had a lot more to offer, namely ninja weaponry and a love of pizza, than any sport I […]


Sports Are Strange…

  Sports situation: During a baseball game this evening, the umpires made what many thought was a bad call. When a ball was hit into shallow left field, the umpire called it an infield fly despite the fact that the infielder could not “catch the ball with ordinary effort.” The crowd was very upset and […]

Little Leaguers: A Modern Day Scourge to Society

Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about children. They are tiny little Tasmanian devils destroying everything that gets in the path of their sticky, germ-infested fingers. They are the neediest things on the planet, always insisting that they are “hungry” or “need to go to the bathroom.” They do not bring a single […]

Baseball and Public Intoxication: What a Pair of Bedfellows!

One of the great parts of any professional sporting event is people watching. There is a virtual smorgasbord of people from all walks of life converging into a sea of cheering fans. None of these are as entertaining, obnoxious, or obnoxiously entertaining as the drunk fan. How do you honor a group that provides so […]

The Return of Baseball

At 5:09 a.m., baseball season officially began. The Oakland Athletics, a team that is actually no more athletic than the average team, and the Seattle Mariners, a team that spends no more time at sea than the average team, kicked things off in Japan while everyone in America was slapping their snooze button and cursing […]

Home Run Derbies: So Exciting You’ll Need a Sedative

I was six the first time I went to a baseball game. My family was vacationing to Kansas City, a glorious and beautiful oasis in the summer. By oasis, I do mean it’s like being in a barbecue smoker for days at a time. We went to Kauffman stadium and sat, watching the Royals play […]

Skeeball 101: The New American Pastime

Recently, I had one of my little “writing thingys” named Freshly Pressed by WordPress. For those of you who don’t know what that means, it means WordPress put this on the front page of the website, causing people who may or may not like (most likely not) to swarm my page. In said post, I […]

Jose and Ozzie Canseco Teach Us About Twins

Okay, kids. Today we’re going to be learning a very special lesson. We’re learning about twins! (Yea!) Twins are two kids that are born at the same time. Scientifically, the way it works is the stork works extra super hard and carries two babies instead of one. Then he drops them both off at the […]

Kansas City Royals Spring Training: Just as Boring as You Might Expect

With Spring Training officially in session, it’s time for one of my favorite past times. Yes, I do enjoy baseball, but this is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about Spring Training play-by-play. As a fan of the Kansas City Royals, I spend most of the summer months listening to play-by-play men trying to […]