I Have No Time For Patience

When I was a child, I learned of a concept called “The Fruits of the Spirit” in Sunday School. After the inevitable Fruit of the Loom jokes crafted by our well-developed eight-year-old comedic sensibilities had faded away, we would learn that these fruits were the following: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and […]

No Netflix. I Dare Say Those Are Not My Top Picks.

I want to be clear before we begin this blog post: I love my wife. She is the apple of my eye, the Yin to my Yang, the fruit of my loom. All of that cheesy stuff. For five years, we have cohabitated and done so very successfully. I attribute this to our willingness to […]

Dear Nathan

DEAR NATHAN: I am an educated, open-minded, well-spoken, well-mannered single man. I enjoy life and smile just about every waking moment. My problem is that people — especially women — think I’m gay. I assure you, I’m not! One woman recently lambasted me, saying her “gaydar” is never wrong, so I should just admit it […]

If I Ever Go Missing, Ask My Wife About It First

When you enter a committed, monogamous relationship with someone, you will eventually find out some strange facts about your chosen mate. They might brush their teeth in the shower or floss in bed. For me, I found out my wife likes to slather her grilled cheese sandwiches in mayonnaise, kisses dogs on the mouth, and […]

You Guide To The Ultimate Pick-Up Line

Let’s face it. It is hard out there for single people. At least that’s what I hear. I don’t know from experience because I was able to trick someone into marrying me, but if I hadn’t fooled her into thinking I was the heir to the Dum-Dum suckers fortune, I would be a lonely loser […]

I Am Officially Smarter Than a Brain Surgeon

I feel stupid. A lot. There are many times when I find myself wondering if I am, in fact, the dumbest person on the planet. It could be after yanking on a door that has been outfitted with a large “PULL” sign. It might be after spilling coffee on my pants in a way that, […]

In-Law Jokes For the Brown-Nosers Amongst Us…

Through the years, literally hundreds of people have enjoyed a laugh at the expense of their in-laws. They have said all kinds of terrible things about their in-laws intelligence and told stories that end with their in-laws being mauled by dogs. It is very rude to say the least. Just because these disgusting jokes made […]

Leap Day: Watch Out Men, The Women Are A-Comin’!

It can be hard for a lady to find that perfect relationship. This has not always been the case. It used to be a much simpler world where the man would ride in on a horse to rescue that woman and, entirely unannounced, true love had found them. Then sports and potato chips were invented […]

The Story of Saint Valentine

The following story is roughly 20% historically accurate. Valentine’s Day has become so commercial. You can’t walk into a store without a heart-shaped visage of a fat baby armed with a bow and arrow being shoved in your face. Heart shaped candy is on every aisle. Buying roses and jewelry has become a must. With […]