DEAR NATHAN: I am a healthy, active older man who is in love with a woman my age. Coincidentally, we are in-laws. Her husband and my wife are both deceased. Having known each other for many years, we are very close and have found renewed happiness with each other. We are in love.
Our adult children tell us we are not being rational. Our peers see nothing wrong with it. Do we ignore our children’s advice and seek happiness together for the next few years? Please tell me something that makes sense. — CONFUSED RETIRED ENGINEER
DEAR CONFUSED RETIRED ENGINEER: I am worried that I do not have all of the facts in this situation. Are you in-laws in the since that this woman was your wife’s sister or was she married to your wife’s brother. I know that society would frown on me marrying my wife’s sister, but if I were to marry her husband, there would be less of a stigma (this depends on the area of the country we live in). That would also make for a lot of awkward discussion in my own life, but that is a discussion for another time.
Personally, I say let your freak flag fly. You have left the impression that you are super-old, so you might as well enjoy the few years you have left. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen? Your kids can either stop visiting you or come see their dear old dad and their aunt stepmother. It sounds like it would cut out a lot of family visits, so they might be for it.
Happy spending your final years with an in-law,
DEAR NATHAN: How does one politely but firmly turn down door-to-door salespeople? How should I respond to salespeople who become rude once I tell them I’m not interested? Many of them become hostile once they realize I can’t be persuaded to buy what they’re selling. — NO THANK YOU IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR NO THANK YOU: You would be astounded to learn how often this comes up. People are constantly asking me how to politely turn down door-to-door salespeople. It seems that, no matter what you do, these people will not go away. Those wretched Girl Scouts are the worst. No, I do NOT want Thin Mints, you little brats! Get off of my porch!
Unfortunately door-to-door salespeople are very irrational. They will consider you rude no matter what you say unless you sit there through their whole spiel. No one wants to do that, but most people also want to be polite. It is quite the conundrum.
The only surefire way to turn down these salespeople without being rude is the classic “Reverse Sales Maneuver.” As soon as a salesperson shows up, try to sell them the first thing you can think of. Go into great detail on the benefits of your Panini Press or that pair of used Crocs, explaining exactly why they need to own these things. Eventually, the salesperson will tell you they are not interested and then leave. Then, they were the rude ones! You have avoided those blasted Girl Scouts without you, yourself, being rude.
Happy Reverse Selling,
DEAR NATHAN: My granddaughter is due to have a baby in a short while. She wants to have a baby shower and would like to invite her girlfriends with their husbands or boyfriends.
I always thought that baby showers were for females only. What is your opinion? — WONDERING GRANDMOTHER
DEAR WONDERING GRANDMOTHER: Whoever thought up the idea of a coed baby shower is pure evil and should be sentenced to a life of torture in a lake of fire. I do not care about baby booties and I never will.
Happy watching your granddaughter ruin a bunch of guy’s perfectly wonderful weekend,
DEAR NATHAN: My husband and I have clearly stated more than once that we didn’t plan to have children. Recently, however, we realized that we had simply not been ready.
We have decided to try for a baby in the near future. If we are lucky enough to conceive, how will we respond to the inevitable barrage of questions about whether or not the baby was planned? — TAKING IT BACK IN NEW YORK
DEAR TAKING IT BACK IN NEW YORK: This is a situation I expect to find myself in someday. I have very vehemently spoken of my dislike for stinky, sickening children. Yet, I know that someday I will want one of my own. People will, no doubt, have a lot of questions for me.
What I plan on doing is pretending to be shocked whenever someone mentions it.
“Oh, were you and your wife trying to conceive?”
“What?! Are you saying she’s pregnant?! NOOOOOO! My life is over! Does anyone know where the nearest bridge is because life is just not worth living anymore! GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!”
Eventually, people will stop asking me this question as they fear it will lead to my suicide.
Happy faking your suicidal tendencies,
- Dear Nathan (badlandsbadley.wordpress.com)