No Netflix. I Dare Say Those Are Not My Top Picks.

I want to be clear before we begin this blog post: I love my wife. She is the apple of my eye, the Yin to my Yang, the fruit of my loom. All of that cheesy stuff.

For five years, we have cohabitated and done so very successfully. I attribute this to our willingness to share. This is very important to a healthy relationship. It would be strange if we refused to share our pots and pans for instance. Plus, with double the cooking tools, we would need a much bigger kitchen.

Lately though, I feel like this sharing may put a strain on our relationship. I’m okay with having to maneuver around each other at the bathroom sink or having the covers ripped away from me in the middle of the night. One specific sharing, though, has caused me to question my identity.

Back at the beginning of our relationship, we heard about this exciting new website. It was the year 2008. It was a very different time back then. Most movies were viewed via a round disc-like device called a “DVD”. Then Franklin Q. Netflix IIX created his namesake website. This website allowed for a person to have these discs mailed to their home and even watch them via a high tech device called “the world wide web”. Being the movie fans that we are, I immediately signed us up. I added a few movies to our queue and went on my way.

The next time I signed in, though, something strange had happened. There alongside my handful of movies sat nearly every single Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio movie. I say nearly all because naturally “Titanic” was left off. I assume that she left it off since she had already watched it 178 times and couldn’t bear to watch Leo die for the 179th time. Knowing the importance of sharing, I relented. If my new bride wanted to watch Kate’s turn as Maddy LeClerc in “Quills”, then I would not stand in her way.

About a year later, another strange phenomenon had taken place. Our queue had grown quite long. There, freshly added to it, were 20 or so movies about the Holocaust. This is an unnerving thing to see on your Netflix queue, particularly if your additions tend to be more lighthearted fare like Monty Python or the Marx brothers. Still, though, I was okay with it.

For those unfamiliar with Netflix, there is a feature that helps you pick movies or TV programs. It uses a very confusing logarithm looking at what you have watched to help you figure out what you would like to watch next. If this were based on my movies, it would be just a list of sitcoms, sports documentaries, and “Breaking Bad”. This is not the case.

When I log onto Netflix, it recommends the following shows: “Sister Wives”, “Property Wars”, “What Not To Wear”, “19 Kids and Counting”, “Freaky Eaters”, “Extreme Couponing”, “Say Yes to the Dress”, “Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids”, “Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta”, and any other show ever created involving a combination of the words “yes” and “dress”.

You might be wondering what terrors have been unleashed on my living room to make Netflix decide these are the things I would like to be watching. It might have been the episodes of “My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding” or perhaps the viewing of “My Cat From Hell”. Fun fact: none of the cats featured in that last show actually originated in the underworld. Maybe it was “My Fair Wedding” or “My Strange Addiction”. It could be any “My (adjective) (noun)” show as that appears to be all my wife watches these days.

The worst part about this is that I set up our Netflix account. That means that every time I log in, Netflix has specifically labeled these shows as “Top Picks For Nathan”. I sit on my couch, shouting at my TV. “NO!” I scream. “ANYTHING BUT THAT!” But it’s too late. Netflix has decided that I am obsessed with weddings, ingesting foreign substances, and demonic pets.

Sharing can be difficult. As I write this, my wife is again using our shared Netflix account to watch the strange addictions of others. If this is the biggest issue we have, I guess we have it pretty good. Besides, it can be educational.

Apparently a gasoline drinking addiction is bad for your liver. Who would have guessed that?

21 thoughts on “No Netflix. I Dare Say Those Are Not My Top Picks.

  1. You know netflix actually allows you to create multiple “users” on your account so that when you login you can just click your name… therefore no more of your wifes Say yes to anything will show up if you create your own netflix identity. =)


  2. I laughed out loud (literally) several times while reading this. “Yes and “dress”, demonic pets, drinking gasoline… you covered all the bases. I’m going to sit back and let my husband pick Treehouse Masters next time we watch tv together and not complain… as much. : )


  3. I’ve seen several someones complain about this. I wonder why they don’t allow you to have multiple people identified on one account for those recommendations alone? I doubt any household is full of people who watch the exact same thing…


  4. Hahaha! This is so funny… and true… my teenagers share my Netflix, so consider yourself lucky. It is very disturbing to see what teenage boys like to watch… (and i get the wedding shows, demonic pet shows and teenage drama shows too from my 17 year old daughter) it’s a wonderful combination.


  5. This is hilarious! My new favorite Netflix feature is “Max”, a helpful chap who helps you select movies based on theme, and a subsequent star-based rating system. Max is terrible at his job, suggests sub-par movies and then guilts you into watching them.

    I watched a 2 1/2 hour German movie with English subtitles. Thanks Max.


  6. Poor Nathan. I can’t stand yes to the dress anything, but my daughter gets into them. Now she’s into dr. Who and dvr’ing the hundreds of episodes they show repeatedly. There’s nothing like a TV/entertainment takeover. On a plus side, it sent me here, so thanks for being the entertainment my kids haven’t figured out about yet.


      • You are way too sweet to be my arch enemy ;). It seems like you’ve been writing a little more this month, which is nice. I love reading you, hope everything is going well for you and your better half (and pets of course).


      • Good! I blogged this week for the first time all year, and I have to admit it feels good. The funny thing with you is that when I read your stuff, I feel homey. Not homely…

        You were like the second person I ever followed, and you have this comfortable style. I don’t know how to explain it. Anyway, it is good for me to read you, so I’m glad you’ll be writing more. Don’t go crazy though…I can’t promise to keep up with mass postings. 😉


  7. My friend shared his Netflix account with his old roommate, his parents, and me. It’s the most schizophrenic Netflix account ever. And we can’t take any ratings seriously. We have essentially created a person that likes “The Vampire Diaries,” a lot of reality television, gay and lesbian films, terrible made-for-TV RomComs,documentaries, and, naturally, “Say Yes to the Dress.” So I feel your pain.


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