Admissions of a Whole Foods Outsider

Everyone needs a place where they feel they belong. A place of camaraderie where you will feel comfortable no matter what. I have found in my lifetime that I possess the ability to become a bit of a chameleon, able to blend into most situations with relative ease. I rarely embarrass myself or find myself worried […]


Diamonds: A Girl’s Best Friend, A Man’s Mortal Enemy

There are few places a man likes to be in less than a jewelry store. It is a store filled with only attention grabbing things. Worse, none are ever cheap. Being a notorious cheapskate, a jewelry store is my worst nightmare. I guess that means I should be considered the greatest husband in the history […]

Dear Nathan

DEAR NATHAN: My son and his wife, “Carole,” have been married for two years. I was recently introduced to her father, “Ted,” who has been alone for 13 years. Carole told me later in no uncertain terms that I cannot have a romantic relationship with her father. Then she repeated the same thing to him. […]

Babies: The World’s Most Adorable Money Suck

Disclaimer: The following post involves shopping for items that would be involved in the raising of a child. If you are a parent of either myself or my wife, I must warn you this does not imply we are considering having a child right now. It was for a friend. Once again, not right now. […]

Why Does My Bed Refuse To Do Its Job?

Tuesday started off very poorly. I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock. After hitting snooze until the very last second I could, I crawled out of bed. I stood up straight and immediately realized two things. I was still tired. Not regular tired, but somehow after a full night’s sleep, I was more […]

Let’s Talk Paper Towels

  Around ten o’clock today, I took my usual coffee break at work. My eight o’clock coffee had just begun to wear off, so to prevent any sort of unfortunate incidents due to a lack of caffeine, I headed to the break room for preventative caffeination. As I poured a cup of mediocre but nevertheless […]

Pillows: Man’s Best Friend

You know how people say that a dog is man’s best friend? That’s wrong. A dog is a man’s responsibility. A dog is a little poop factory that’s only goal in life is to eat food directly off of your plate the second you turn around. If anything, dogs are man’s neediest friend. There is […]