No CNN, I Do Not Care About Justin Bieber

Technology is a wonderful thing. There once was a time when we could not have every bit of news in front of us at a seconds notice. You would have to wait for people like Walter Cronkite to come on TV at a certain time and let you know that indeed there was something that […]

The Government Shutdown: Where’s The Anarchy?

A few months ago, I downloaded the CNN app for my phone. This seemed like a great idea at the time. Anytime any breaking news was uncovered, I would be alerted immediately. I had at the time forgotten that almost all news is terrible. I was made aware of every single murder that happened to […]

Your Official, Genuine, For Real Up-To-Date 2012 Presidential Poll

With only two days to go before the Presidential Election Day, all eyes are on the polls as people search for the answers to the important questions. Who will have the chance to guide the United States into the coming apocalyptic future? Who will become the answer to a trivia question about former presidential candidates? […]

Snoop Dogg is Out To Ruin My Relationship

My wife and I just had a fight. Normally, this would be the part where I try to convince myself it was her fault. On her end, she is no doubt doing the same. This time, though, neither one of us is to blame. This time, it’s all Snoop Dogg’s fault. Like every married fight, […]

Thanks For Ruining Everything, Media Jerks!

Dear CNN, Fox, NBC, Google, Yahoo, ESPN, and everyone on Facebook or Twitter, As you might have heard, the Olympics began this weekend in London. Today was the first day of events and I was very eager to watch Michael Phelps swim in his first race. As you have reminded me every day leading up […]

Rest In Peace, News

I quit. I resign, I give up, I’m done with it. As far as I am concerned, it has been put out to pasture like an aging race horse with a broken leg. And just like that race horse, long ago it served an actual purpose, but now that purpose has been forgotten, with the […]

Get Ready Oprah. Here Comes My Memoir.

It has happened again. We’ve been duped. We’ve been made fools of. Once again, we’ve been “A Million Little Pieced.” You might remember author James Frey. A few years ago, Frey wrote a bestselling “memoir.” This “memoir” ended up being what people like to call “a lie.” He was punished by experiencing Oprah’s scorn on […]