Thank you so much for your feedback…

As you might have assumed based on the dates of these posts, I do not come to this blog very often anymore. I’m usually much too busy working and attempting to raise a mildly well-adjusted person to spend time here.

An odd thing happened today. I took the day to spend with my son. No other responsibilities until this evening. As does happen to two-year-olds, though, he got that catatonic look that says “You can either lay me down for a nap or I will collapse right here.” This left me with unforeseen time off, so I decided to wade into the cesspool of my old written words.

When I logged in, there was a backlog of comments. I thought I should take a second to address some of them.

First, I’d like to take a second to speak to a man named Jack. Assuming this person used their real name and resides in the US, that narrows this commenter down to one of 487,480 people. With that wealth of information about him, I feel like we’re practically best friends.

Anyway, a while back Jack decided to take some time to comment on a post about the irritation I had experienced from my neighbor’s wind chimes. This was written over four years ago. I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that I have not lived near this neighbor in nearly as many years, so I’m no longer irritated by them. Per Jack, I really never should have been:

Wow..I love wind chimes. You people should buy a properly tuned wind chimes. The Chinese pentatonic scale is the magic. It will heal you from various diseases as well as it brings prosperity into our home. Dissonant notes in the chimes really will.annoy you. Buy good one as you are buying a musical instrument. Take a musician along with you while you buy. Wrong notes will lead us to quarrel and gives irritation. So be careful.

Good luck.

What do you mean by you people, Jack? I’m so sick of the disparaging tone people use towards us in the anti-wind noise community. If I wanted to hear clanging of notes, I’d give my child a musical instrument. If I wanted to hear intune clanging of notes, I’d give him a toy that only played a single key. At least then I know that the clanging would end around 8:00.

As a musician myself, I don’t need to take anyone with me to pick wind chimes. I also don’t need to take anyone with me because I WOULD NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BUY WIND CHIMES. I’m no doctor, but I’m going to go ahead and say 10 out of 10 real doctors would say wind chimes cure literally no disease. Of course if I ever want medical advice from the type of person who would prescribe acupuncture for stage three lymphoma, I’ll be sure to take their wind chime advice into account.

Then there was the lovely Jade. Or not lovely. There’s a pretty good chance the person isn’t really even named Jade. Jade took an issue with a post I had written about Vitamin Water flavors. More specifically Yumberry:

If you read the ingredients this drink contains neither yumberry or pomegranate.. everyone that buys it is a sucker thanks

Wow, Jade. You must be a real joy around kids.

“You know, that popsicle contains no actual fruit juices, so when you say you like strawberry, what you really mean is you bought into the corporate scheme of flavorings.”

I have no idea how you would randomly stumble across a post that is over six years old and I also have no idea why you would feel the need to comment on a piece with the main thesis being our forefathers would want us to craft a better berry than the Chinese. Nevertheless, here we are. In the future, I promise I will avoid stating that I like anything until I run it by you, okay?

I would be remiss if I ignored the comment from “Guy Fieri” on a post criticizing Guy Fieri:

How about you eat a triple decker dick?

I will not. One reason is I refuse to eat anything that has multiple decks. That’s just asking for me to feel bloated and uncomfortable. Secondly, I’m realtively certain that this is not food and should not be consumed. Or it could be. What’s the cholesterol content? I’ve been sticking to white meat and fish as much as I can.

Lastly, we have CanNotBelieveIWastedTimeOnThis:

You’re a moron and your writing is even worse. Do us all a favor and delete this garbage.

I want to take a second to commend you on your use of “you’re” and “your.” You nailed it! Trolls rarely can handle the basics of the English language, so I will say I was impressed.

I can only assume that you were very upset when I implied the idea of a Snuggie was ridiculous. Perhaps you’re the founder of the Snuggie company. Whatever the issue is I seem to have really gotten your goat. I would love to apologize to you in person. Unfortunately in your haste to determine what can be allowed on the internet, you FORGOT TO INCLUDE AN ACTUAL NAME. You know, kind of like a coward.

I guess, until we can discuss it in person, I’ll have to leave my words intact.

All of this is to say that I do read what you say and I take it to heart. And by that, I mean that I read it, laugh at the things people choose to be angry about, and then move on my merry little way.

Unless my kid is napping. Then I’ll use your unnecessary responses to kill the time. I’d give you coauthor credit, but since I have no idea who you are I guess I’ll just have to forget all about you.

Darn.