Happy Canada Day!

As an American, this blog can become very USA-centric. That is not fair. There are literally dozens of other countries around the world, many of them carrying an actual importance with them. The USA is not the only country in the entire universe. For instance, there is Canada. I have been to Canada not once, […]

Nik Wallenda: Following His Dreams Even Though They Are Completely Insane

All around the world, people’s eyes were glued to their television set this evening. There, a man spoke, declaring the importance of following one’s dreams. He spoke about the time he had spent pursuing his biggest goal in life and how you can do anything you want if you work hard enough. It was very […]

Radio Station Gives Away Babies, Also Gives Me Nightmares

I never win anything. It’s just the way my life works. I can only remember winning a handful of prizes in my lifetime, the last one being an electronic toothbrush. In the tradition of my luck, though, that toothbrush was almost immediately possessed by a demon. Some people say it broke, but I know otherwise. […]

Soccer: The One Sport Americans Will Not Care About

There are certain things Americans do that make us the butt of jokes across the world. We deep fry everything and dump cheese on it. We drive giant gas-guzzling SUV’s. We watch “Two and a Half Men.” (If the world doesn’t make fun of us for that, they should.) One of the biggest differences between […]

Canada Day: Just Like the Fourth of July, But Three Days Earlier and a Bit More Northern

This is it. This is the final straw. You have crossed the line this time and I won’t easily forget a violation of this magnitude. You, Canada, are on my list. Everyone in the world knows that the Fourth of July is American Independence Day, the anniversary of the greatest day in the history of […]

Good Friday Would Be A Whole Lot Better Without Work

Right now, as you read this, I know exactly what you are thinking. “This Friday, somehow, seems different. It seems…. much more gooder.” First of all, gooder is not a word. That is the worst grammar I have ever seen. Your English teachers have been whipped into a violent rage because of what you just […]

To Those Who Were Offended By My Writing

Earlier this week, I wrote a piece about the government’s possible shutdown. In this piece, I jokingly nominated myself as future president of America. While I was sure that this was obviously a suggestion to be taken likely, I was clearly wrong. Yesterday, I received this message about my piece: “Dude You’re an idiot some […]