The Official Most Important Ultimate Response to the State of the Union Address

Greetings my fellow Americans. Tonight, the President of these here United States delivered his state of the Union address. Let me begin by congratulating President Obama on being President. I know he has been president for a while now, so I guess it’s pretty rude to wait this long to congratulate him on being elected, […]

Congratulations, ____________. America Is In Great Hands.

As a patriotic individual, I felt it was my duty to comment on the 2012 presidential election that took place today. Unfortunately, I could not wait to post it. They won’t know who won until, like, 9 o’clock. I will be far too tired to write about the purple mountain’s majesty or fruited plains by […]

Look At Me! I’m an Expert!

I, once again, have been deemed an expert at something. I am, apparently, an expert at making sarcastic comments about the government and foresters that happen to play hillbilly music. My mother must be so proud! Alice Lipowicz quoted me in an article on the 41,037th most popular website in America, Federal Computer Week. It […]

Dear Anonymous Internet Commenter

Dear Anonymous Internet Commenter, Hello. You might remember me as the gentleman who wrote that article you just read. I wanted to think you for taking the time to comment on my article. It’s not every day I have someone take the time to point out every flaw or inconsistency I have ever written, so […]

Good Friday Would Be A Whole Lot Better Without Work

Right now, as you read this, I know exactly what you are thinking. “This Friday, somehow, seems different. It seems…. much more gooder.” First of all, gooder is not a word. That is the worst grammar I have ever seen. Your English teachers have been whipped into a violent rage because of what you just […]

Don’t Know What To Say? Never Have a Boring Conversation Again…

During the weekend, many people attend get-togethers. That is a nicer way of saying they are forced to make conversation with people they have nothing in common with. I assume that people who read my blog are also like me, in the way that you hate making conversation and don’t know what to say when […]

To Those Who Were Offended By My Writing

Earlier this week, I wrote a piece about the government’s possible shutdown. In this piece, I jokingly nominated myself as future president of America. While I was sure that this was obviously a suggestion to be taken likely, I was clearly wrong. Yesterday, I received this message about my piece: “Dude You’re an idiot some […]

Don’t Worry. If The Government Shuts Down, I’m Right Here.

If you have read the news in the last few weeks, you know that Charlie Sheen has gone on a nationwide tour. After reading that magnificent tome, if you turned to the page that houses actual news, you would have found a crazy political story. It seems that our two political parties (the Dimocrats and […]