Being Healthy Will Be The Death Of Me

I am falling apart. My body is crumbling into nothing more than a pile of human dust. Granted, it is ruggedly handsome human dust, but human dust nonetheless. What is to blame for this human disintegration? Why, of course it would be my attempts at health. Months ago, I decided to get into shape. I […]

Advertisement

Real Ladies Run in Skirts

Dear lady running down the street, Congratulations on your attempts at physical fitness. You and your friend were really giving a full 110% out there today. That’s a pretty big deal because that’s 10% more than is physically possible to give. I will say, though, I am concerned. I watched the two of you run […]

“My Life as a Gym-Rat,” aka “I Paid Money to Sweat in a Room Full of Strangers?”

As I type this, I can feel my entire torso tensing up. I feel tired and just want to lie down and avoid moving. I guess that’s what I get for trying to be healthy. My healthful efforts began as an earnest attempt at avoiding becoming a giant tub of lard. When you spend most […]

Help! My Booger is Trying to Kill Me!

Warning: The following post is real highbrow writing. If you aren’t prepped for a piece of literature that should be read on Masterpiece Theater, this may not be the post for you. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been out of shape. I’ve never been to the point of huffing and wheezing as I make […]

Nathan Vs. The Treadmill: A Battle For The Ages

I have never fully understood exercising. I do know the general purpose, but the idea seems odd to me. Why would I run if nothing is chasing me? What part of seeing a heavy piece of metal makes a person go, “I will lift that, and I will lift it for 5 sets of ten” […]