Don’t Worry, Sarah Palin! It’s Easy to Not Say Offensive Things!

For those who have not heard, former Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin is in some hot water. It seems that Palin took to her Facebook to say “President Obama’s shuck and jive shtick with these Benghazi lies must end…” This in itself would not be a big deal if it wasn’t for the fact that “Shuck and […]

Hit Me Up, Romney. Your Future VP is Here…

Dear Mitt Romney, With the election just four months away, its time to pick your vice president. I have heard a lot of names thrown around like Paul Ryan (No good. Two first names.), David Petraeus (Serious danger of misspelling last name on campaign materials), and Chris Christy (Sounds like a superhero alter ego) amongst […]

This Day Will Live in Anonymity

It is now 9:15 p.m. 15 hours ago, I was getting out of bed. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, put on some deodorant. After my morning destinking, I got prepared for another day of work. In between then and now, though, nothing happened. I don’t know how you can go a full 15 […]

Your Guide to Super Tuesday Elections

All across America, the energy is palpable. There is electricity in the air. Metaphorically, of course, because if there was literally electricity in the air, we would all be wearing rubber suits to avoid death. As I’m typing this, I can barely get the words out. I am so excited, my hands are trembling. IT’S […]

Presidential Debates: It’s Like the Rich White Guy Olympics

Every four years, a group of individuals dust off their nicest suits, grab their best tie (red or blue, preferably) and begin spouting off gibberish much to the delight of the entire country. They visit state fairs and eat a great amount of fried foods. They talk about the “Spirit of America,” which, I am […]

Don’t Worry. If The Government Shuts Down, I’m Right Here.

If you have read the news in the last few weeks, you know that Charlie Sheen has gone on a nationwide tour. After reading that magnificent tome, if you turned to the page that houses actual news, you would have found a crazy political story. It seems that our two political parties (the Dimocrats and […]