Good Luck With Your Job Hunt, Replacement Refs

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English: Rosevelt Colvin on the sidelines with...

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The NFL referee strike is over and it could not have happened soon enough. After the blown call this last Monday, commissioner Roger Goodell walked into work only to find he had 30,000 (not an exaggeration) phone messages waiting for him. When you have that many messages, you have either done something very good, something very bad, or someone wrote your phone number in a stall at the busiest restroom in the world.

The first part of the season has been filled with tension, but finally fans will get what they have been asking for. Unfortunately, though, the end of this strike is not necessarily great news for everyone else.

What are the replacement refs to do?

For the past seven weeks, these people have dedicated their lives to the NFL. Now, just like that, the NFL is ready to thrown them away like used, dirty rags. It’s a disgrace.

While the rest of the world has forgotten these poor souls, I have not. I will not rest until every single one of them has found gainful employment. Okay, I probably will rest, but I will be very concerned for the next 20 minutes or so.

In an effort to help these men out, I began my search for jobs that these individuals would be suited for. I headed to Monster and typed in referee. Surprisingly 19 jobs showed up. That is a major start. I carefully selected what I thought were the best opportunities and have brought them to the table.

 

Soccer Referee, Lemoore Recreation

Details: Recreation Department is looking for qualified indoor soccer referees. $20 per game. Games begin October 1st in evening hours.

Pros: $20 a game is a sweet pay-day. That means that it would only take 150 soccer games to make what you made per NFL game. Also, there is a good chance that you might be able to swipe some orange slices from a team at halftime.

Cons: It’s soccer. Blegh.

 

A Whole Bunch of Different Positions, Midland, Texas YMCA

Details: The YMCA of Midland is currently seeking Childcare Counselors, Van Drivers, Fitness Attendants, Lifeguards, and Referees for its 2012 to 2013 after school program.

Pros: You are a referee! This job should be a shoe-in! No one would have more experience than you, unless of course every other replacement ref is also applying for this job. Then they would have the same amount of experience.

Cons: It is in Texas, the armpit of America. You will have at least one idiot who makes a Village People joke every time you mention work. Also you have to apply in person. That is super-inconvenient.

 

Criminal Gangs – Post Doctoral Research Associate, The University of Maryland

Details: The University of Maryland Center for Safe Solutions (CSS) is seeking a Post-Doctoral Research Associate to join its interdisciplinary research team. The Research Associate will work on assigned projects under the direct supervision and mentorship of its Executive Director. CSS seeks a scholar preferably with knowledge and expertise related to criminal gangs.

Pros: If you were a ref in Oakland, then you have definitely been in a gang-like atmosphere. Raiders’ fans are crazy!

Cons: You need a PhD. There may be a chance of being stabbed by a gang member, although if you survived being in Oakland, you will probably be okay.

 

Middle-tier Developer, Experis Man Power

Details: Currently looking for 2 .NET Developers to work in the Indianapolis, Indiana.

Pros: Ladies love computer programmers

Cons: You need the following: REST-ful development preferred, SOAP Experience a plus, C#, SQL Server 2005/2008, Visual Studio .NET 4.0, 3.5, XML, JSON, Knowledge of AJAX / JavaScript a plus, Experience with SAML and/or other SSO technologies a plus. Since these requirements seem to look like a person just fell asleep on their keyboard, I am guessing they are not things that every person knows.

Also, I was lying about the Pro.

 

These four are the cream of the crop. Good luck with your job search and remember: when you’re asked in an interview if they can contact your previous employer, say no. The NFL will definitely NOT give you a glowing recommendation.

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2 thoughts on “Good Luck With Your Job Hunt, Replacement Refs”

  1. How thoughtful of you Nathan to find jobs for them. I would add blind rehab counselor, as they could certainly identify with the blind clients, since they are clearly blind themselves.

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  2. The .Net developer job cons are way overstated. No one ever checks the qualifications on a developer’s resume and all the competency levels are self assessed.

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