Justin Bieber: The New Shakespeare Has Arrived

Justin Bieber at the 2010 White House Easter Egg roll. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First published in 1609, the love sonnets of William Shakespeare have managed to be the guideline for all things romantic since. Now, over 400 years later, his words still ring true:

“Against my love shall be as I am now,
With Time’s injurious hand crush’d and o’erworn.”

Who can deny that Shakespeare felt… there was some love and… time was there, you know… crushing hands and… stuff…

Point being, Shakespeare is the most romantic writer of all-time. For the better part of the last 400 years, people assumed Shakespeare could not be touched. Sure, there were people who tried, but no matter how red those roses got or how blue they made those violets, Shakespeare still managed to defeat them.

Finally, though, the world has brought forth the next great poet. There is, at long last, another who can take up the romantic torch from good ol’ Willie and finally pour out the emotions that lie deep within the human heart.

Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Bieber is the modern-day Bard of Avon.

Sure, Bieber takes a lot of crap from people. That is because, much like Shakespeare, his writing is deep. It is far too complex for the common man. Once they understand the actual meaning behind the words, even the most diehard Bieber hater will admit his Shakespearean way with the written word. His latest single, “Boyfriend” is the perfect example:

If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go
I can take you places you ain’t never been before

While this may seem like a poorly worded line, what Justin is really offering is a chance to return the young lady (Or gentleman. We aren’t here to judge.) back to a simpler time. By saying he will take her places she has not never been, he is submitting a chance to return to a time before the many heartbreaks of this world had taken their hold on her.

Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know
I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow
Swag, swag, swag, on you

Nothing says love more than giving and Justin is offering to give all of his hard-earned money to her, buying her anything her heart desires, or “swag” as the kids these days call it.

Chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue

Nothing is more romantic than melted cheese.

I don’t know about me but I know about you
So say hello to falsetto in three, two, swag 

He will gladly offer up a song in a high squeaky falsetto voice, but must first gift the young lady (Or man).

I’d like to be everything you want
Hey girl, let me talk to you

If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go 

What young Justin is saying here is that he will do whatever it takes to please the young lass of his affections. Would she like him to be a gentleman? Okay, he has it. What if she got lonely? Well, that’s impossible because Justin would always be right there with her.

At this point in the song, he sounds more desperate and stalkerish, repeatedly promising to “never let you go” over and over. Nevertheless, his creepiest tendencies are only born out of love.

Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don’t
I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe

Once again, young Justin is offering to become anything the young lady desires. If she wants a man who is a toy space traveler from a children’s movie, he will find a way to do it. (Note to all women: If Justin Bieber shows up in a Buzz Lightyear costume and offers to “fly you across the globe,” remember that, much like Buzz Lightyear in the movie Toy Story, Bieber cannot actually fly. Make sure he has a plane in mind, lest you wish to fall to your death.)

I don’t ever wanna fight yeah, you already know
Imma make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow 

Much like a snowy morning illuminates all that is around it, making even the darkest shadows a thing of brilliance, Bieber will illuminate only the positive qualities of his girlfriend. He will see only the best of her and always view her in the best light.

Burr

Snow is cold and that is what you would say if you were “laying in the snow.”

Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend
You could be my girlfriend until the w-w-world ends
Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and
Voice goin crazy on this hook like a whirlwind
Swaggie

I’ll admit, I had my doubts about this section of the poetry. “Swaggie” sounds stupid. In fact, it sounds downright idiotic. After hearing this, I turned my back on Bieber.

Then I remembered. Shakespeare himself invented words. In fact, over 1700 words that are commonly used today were created by him. At the time, there is no doubting that people thought the words mimic or madcap were just as idiotic as “Swaggie.” In time, I believe we will see this word incorporated into our everyday English language.

Example: “I like this toast. It is so swaggie!”

Na na na, na na na, na na na
Yeah girl
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
If I was your boyfriend
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
If I was your boyfriend

In this passage, Justin is saying “Na na na, na na na, na na na ey.” I think we all know what he is getting at there… (He forgot the lyrics for this part.)

Yes, we are living through the new golden age of romantic poetry thanks to Mr. Bieber himself. He will change the face of poetry and literature forever. Sure, he hasn’t created any masterpieces like “Romeo and Juliet” yet, but give him time. He is only 8-years-old.

When he finally does write that masterpiece, though, there is no doubt that everyone in the world will have the same reaction:

“That is so freaking swaggie!”

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• Justin Bieber Releases ‘Boyfriend’ Song Lyrics (997now.cbslocal.com)
• Justin Bieber talks ‘Boyfriend’; mentions why Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear used (examiner.com)