My Declaration of War

Dear Everyone Who Has Ever Read My Blog,

Late last night, I received a comment from The Hobbler. Normally, I would be very excited for this. She is usually very nice and pleasant. Last night was a bit different.

To paraphrase, the comment read like this:


You are a terrible commenter. You suck a lot, you great big loser. The world hates you. If I were you, I would probably just give up and volunteer my brain to science. You clearly aren’t using it now.

Now, this was surprising. I, admittedly, had neglected my comment responding. After working three jobs throughout the week and dreaming up one mildly amusing and hopefully not completely terrible blog post a day, I did not have much energy to respond to comments. No one could possibly hold me responsible for this.

Of course, I was the only who thought this.

Just mere hours later, my post was filled with comments. My Twitter account was attacked by people threatening to beat me up. I was as popular as a Hitler mustache at a Bar Mitzvah.

The Hobbler had sent her minions after me.

Dozens of tweets later, I had become the villain of the universe. It was all The Hobbler’s fault.

That is why today I want to make it official. The Hobbler is my arch nemesis.

She is the Joker to my Batman. The Clubber Lang to my Rocky. The Cruella Deville to my obscenely large group of spotted dogs.

I will do whatever it takes to destroy her. With you all as my witness, I will stop her if it is the last thing I ever do.

Or I might get busy and forget I just declared war on her. One of the two will definitely happen though.

Until the next time I declare war on someone,


53 thoughts on “My Declaration of War

  1. Hello Badlands,

    I like to drink. Why don’t we hang out sometime? Tell me where Bar Mitzvah is and lets get together. I would love to learn how you aquired your prose skills.



  2. Are you sure you want to do this Nathan. I am willing to shake hands and agree to disagree. I am all kinds of mature like that. You have over 1,000 followers, and I have around 230. But I have a feeling that we could easily kick your a**. I just don’t want you to put yourself in a position to be completely humiliated/angered/defeated in some other way. You have a chance to back down right now, but if you choose not to, then game on…you will be good practice for us since one day we will be pitted against someone with comparable skills.

    Once you tell me for sure that we are on…I just hope you know what you are getting yourself into, but then, let the battle begin.


  3. I follow both your blogs and I’m afraid this is going to be some bloody battle of words 😮 Use your keyboards well, my favorite bloggers. USE IT TILL THE DEATH! Good luck to both of you 😀


  4. I just read the Hobblers comment below… this is the most pathetic thing ever! Lmao, are they really that mad over you not responding to a comment?


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  6. Nathan, are you sure you want to take on The Hobbler? Don’t you know she has MS and is on the kind of debilitating prescription medication I used to pay the guy in the park extra for in high school? All things considered, I think you and I could take her. Besides, speaking of comments, you were the very first person to comment on my blog so I figure I owe you one.

    And how does she know that you have 1,000 followers compared to her 230? I mean, can other people tap into another’s stats and see how many followers they have?

    Honestly, I have 80 followers on the books but I’ll kill myself churning out 9,000 word posts and spend days arranging to borrow my niece’s Barbie doll for one lousy “shrimp on the Barbie” sight gag photo and the Hobbler didn’t even show up and press the stinking “Like” button, let alone leave her 2¢ worth in the comments section. But you, a guy with three jobs who has to dodge tornadoes during your commute, managed to stop by for a peek. And how many of my 80-strong showed up to comment on my “Your Guide to the Martial Arts” post, a post I had to pay a guy to sit and get punched in the eye by 8 martial artists while I took pictures? Just one, so the hell with the other 79… let’s line them up as Tweet-fodder in The Hobbler Wars.


    • Good luck with that Hoaiphai. The reason I didn’t show up when you did some weid Barbie photo shoot is because you slacked off too. I visited your blog every day forever, even when you stopped coming by mine, and even recently I would stop by and occasionally comment just hoping you remembered me. Nathan is Slackerman and you can be Ditchboy. Don’t give me that life got busy crap because my life is busy too, and I make time. Slackerman and Ditchboy, you are both going down, and all those who see the light. This bad girl is going to destroy all the “good guys always win” myths.


    • Also, Nathan might not realize this, but I secretely stalked his blog before he decided that I was his enemy. 1,493 followers I believe…116,545 views who are most likely not viewing his stuff now because he didn’t reply to their comment. You are doing better now Nathan, I am proud of you in an evil way.


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  8. My GOD man -what have you done? Not only put yourself in the path of …of … I gotta be careful here..I’m on the fence -a peacemaker a light bringer… she will STOMP you … Darth Hobbler (have you seen the Twitter comments?) but I am on the side of light and since she has declared to be evil I am just so torn…she is currently about to make me an offer I might be able to refuse…it;s so hard though cause I love her to pieces and uh… I think I’ll make like Switzerland… yea..


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