Say It Ain’t So, Mike and Ike

Mike and Ike candies, regular flavor.

Mike and Ike candies, regular flavor. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s a dark day.

With unemployment still high and a global recession looming, it seemed impossible for things to get worse. Then North Korea announced it had tested a long-range missile, putting the entire world in jeopardy. Then that missile broke apart in the air, causing those North Koreans to become angrier, thus more likely to destroy the world.

As if that was not bad enough, something far more terrible happened. Worse than the threat of world destruction or world bankruptcy. It’s everyone’s worst nightmare come true.

Mike and Ike are going their separate way.

In 1940, a candy company in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania created one of the greatest innovations of all time. Realizing that the world was lacking in the chewy fruit flavored food department, Russian immigrant Sam Born created Mike and Ike’s, the world’s greatest oblong fruit flavored candy.

The candy was perfect. While other candies had been known to exclude certain nationalities and races (Little known fact: White chocolate was originally called Honky Chocolate in response to a far more offensive name given to regular chocolate.), Mike and Ike’s included everyone. No one hates fruit flavors and the candies were even kosher, including our Jewish friends in their rainbow of flavors.

After 72 years together, though, these two have decided to call it quits. According to the official Mike and Ike Facebook page, Mike is pursuing a career in music and Ike as an artist. Both will be, presumably, very terrible at these things since neither one of them actually exists.

Now, I don’t know if I can even go on. Easter has ended, so Reese’s eggs have disappeared. Now Mike and Ike’s are on their way out. There is a candy shaped hole in my heart. Since having a hole in your heart is considered detrimental to one’s health, I must try one final time to get these two back together.

Mike, Ike, the two of you have been there for me throughout the years. Remember the time I snuck your candy into the theater? How about that other time I snuck your candy into the theater? Come to think of it, I have snuck Mike and Ike’s into a lot of movies. Maybe if the concession prices weren’t 20 times the average price. I mean, who do they think they’re kidding with those prices?

I digress…

The two of you have been two of my best friends. Maybe not best, but at least pretty good friends. To see the two of you throw away everything that you have worked so hard for just because of a petty squabble seems silly. And not just because the two of you aren’t real.

I think I speak for all of America when I say that life isn’t living without you. What fruit flavored candy am I going to turn to? Starbursts? Skittles?  I don’t think so. The only Starburst worth eating is the pink and don’t even get me started on Skittles. I might as well be eating gravel.

Just Born, Inc., I beg you to bring this candy back. You are letting everyone down by doing this.

…Unless this is just a marketing gimmick. If that is the case, I should get some free Mike and Ike’s for this post.

It’s really the least you could do after putting me through such heartache.


51 thoughts on “Say It Ain’t So, Mike and Ike

  1. Hey Nathan…I don’t really know how to tell you this, especially after such a heartbreak. Okay, here’s the easy one:

    Mike and Ike: Best candy? Okay, we obviously have different tastes, what with the Shamrock shake and now Mike and Ike? Don’t get me wrong, both are okay, but the best? No way. Sorry.

    Now the harder part: You suck at commenting. There, I said it. It would probably be a post topic one day if you ever saw this, but we both know that you don’t actually read these things. Now that I think about it, this isn’t hard to say at all. You rarely comment back to people…I’m not the only one. I’ve been watching you. Not in person…I’ve been watching you with your commentors (again, not in person, which is a good thing because there would be NOTHING TO SEE!). If you don’t want to thoughtfully respond to each of the people who pour their hearts out to you after you move them to tears, you could at least put a hated smiley face out there every now and then. It is a good thing you can write well because if you didn’t, you might not have anyone come around here. People like to be noticed. I know you have a life, and another blog thing, and a wife, but you don’t even have kids yet. You are a comment slacker. Yep, I think I will call you slacker for a while, and see how long it takes you to notice. Alright. I feel better.

    Another wonderful post Slacker, great job.


    • Hahaha. That’s fantastic. I have been increasingly busy, what with my jobs and what not, so I had fallen behind. Then I caught up. Then I read this comment. Life sure is funny.

      I didn’t delve into my candy rankings enough in this post. Mike and Ikes aren’t the best candy. They are the best FRUIT FLAVORED candy. I might have overstated my love doe comic effect.

      The best candy are the Reeses eggs. The peanut butter to chocolate ratio is much more favorable than your average Reeses product.

      Ranked last, just for the record, are York Peppermint Patties. They’s nasty!


  2. Ok, maybe I was a little blunt, but it was true right? Now all of us loyal stalkers are going to come back tomorrow and feel noticed. Some more so than others. Then of course we will bring our friends and everyone will be so excited because you are going to reply to our comments, so we will comment multiple times on each post! Isn’t that what you wanted?

    I’m sorry okay. I didn’t mean to create a comment hell for you to mess with. You have enough crap to deal with when you help your neice use the restroom. Sorry.


  3. Pingback: Public Apology…we meet again… | Hobbling Around

  4. As a Canadian, I have never even seen a real Mike and/or Ike but I’m sorry to see them go. We are constantly beamed ads and sit-coms mentioning strange and exotic delicacies such as Good and Plenties, Goober and Raisinettes, etc. but we don’t get them. When I was a kid, my uncle and aunt lived close enough to the border that they would go to The States for a little shopping (and the border guys on both sides knew them by name without the help of computers). I remember my first bag of M&Ms… magical (but not as good as Smarties).


  5. Okay, I actually am just a little worried, because I haven’t done anything quite like this on your blog, but really…you seem like you should be able to handle it. On the other hand…you did whine like a girl when you got that hang nail…


  6. I might cry after reading this. Mike & Ike is my favorite candy ever! I was even (sad to admit) eating a box of them while reading blog updates. About choked on this…


  7. Nathan, I seriously need your help. This comment box, how do you get it to be on top of all the comments? I need to get my blog where people don’t have to scroll down through 100 posts to leave a comment.

    This part is strictly so that you don’t think I turned boring. Actually, never-mind, I think I really might be boring…sorry. Also, skittles are better than Mike and Ike. That whole comment about you being right about the candy was a lie. I love the recees


    • Sorry, I hit post too soon. York peppermint, have you seen their commercials with the dilating pupils, and gasped breath. Totally true. They are food orgasm material. Here is your true taste test…BlueBunny Birthday Party Ice cream. If you think it sucks, I don’t think I can follow you anymore. We all have to draw lines in the sand, and that one just might end “us”.


      • I’m just saying everything I’ve always wanted to tell you because I finally have your attention, but this is the most important: in regards to the blue bunny Icecream, they make other brands. This one is white cake batter flavor with ribbons of blue real frosting and sprinkles throughout. Please Nathan…the future of the world might depend on your knowledge of the right type of heavenly ice-cream. Think of the children… Oh, and try it with your niece. She’ll love it.


  8. Nevermind with the “I seriously need your help” comment. When I pulled up your blog on my cellphone, this comment box was on top, but here on the real computer, it is on the bottom just like everyone else’s. You would think it would want to be on top sometimes, but no…always the same old position… If you ever figure it out though, you can tell me, even if you don;t like the ice-cream.


  9. Well, you stop visiting a site for a smidge of awhile and poor Mike & Ike have to suffer for it? That’s just great, now what am I going to use as my hubby’s stocking stuffer. Two large boxes of Mike & Ikes made him very happy. That’s just crap. I better go buy up all the stock I see and stash them somewhere. Hmmm….I wonder if they’d be worth anything on Ebay?

    lake Forest, CA

    P.S. The hobbler hobbled over to my site and gave me a hard time about not visiting you lately. Gosh, you must think you’re the only busy person in this world.


  10. Pingback: Public Apology…we meet again… « I probably shouldn't have said that…

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