Make Fun Of The Kardashians All You Want. They Can Buy And Sell You.

Look what you’ve done, America. This is all your doing. Our celebrities used to do things such as act or sing. Sure, occasionally a person would slip through the cracks and experience their fifteen minutes of fame with no talent to back it up (Aaron Carter). We have, however, lowered our requirements a bit too far it seems.
Now all our celebrities need are semi famous parents and a large heinie.
I am, or course, talking about the new America royalty: the Kardashians. The name used to be known only as one of the 620 defense attorneys hired by OJ Simpson for that murder that he was acquitted of. Robert Kardashian wasn’t as electrifying as Johnny Cochran, nor was he as good at rhyming, so he, of course, did not receive the same notoriety as many other lawyers.
He was successful at reproducing, though.
Years later, this success lead to a reality show on the E! Network. I have never watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians, but E stands for entertainment, so you know it has to be good.
As far as I can tell, though, from commercials and the random things I see featuring them, the Kardashians are a family of people who are extremely rich and have no discernable talents.
I don’t mean that as an insult. They probably are better than me at many things. I have, for instance, never applied makeup to my face. They have. There’s one. They also are clearly better at marketing themselves since everyone knows of Kim Kardashian and when you type my name in Google it tries to correct you. Yes Google, I am sure I want to look myself up. It doesn’t make me pathetic, so stop judging me, you search engine.
I’m sure that Kim and the others (I know they have names, but are they really important for this story?) are very nice girls. They seem friendly enough and I don’t think that I would absolutely hate them if I met them. That is not, however, justification enough for them to get the kind of money they demand.
They earned $65 million last year. To put that into perspective, that would buy you approximately 65 million McChicken Sandwiches which would equal a world record amount of diarrhea. I would recommend that they do not spend their money this way.
The person who earns the most, it seems, is Kim. Good ol’ Kimberly gets $25,000 just to mention a company on her twitter account. There is no record showing how much she earns for saying bad things about a company on her twitter, but I would guess it’s still more than you would.
Kim also gets paid between $100,000 and $1 million to show up at an establishment. You want Kim to eat a Whopper with you at your local Burger King? That’s 100 grand plus the cost of said Whopper. She might even add cheese to it just to make you pay the extra fifty cents.
The moral of this story is simple: if you are having money troubles, it is completely your parents fault. They should have defended an “innocent” murderer so that you could have a reality show. Then you would have some port-a-potty company attempting to pay you a year’s wage for using their toilet.


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