“John Carter” Loses $200 Million, Proves World Is Not Ready For Movies About Men Fighting With Swords On Mars

In my lifetime, I have seen many movies. I have seen comedies and dramas. I have been forced to sit through long boring classics (I would rather pull my eyes out than try to watch “Gone With the Wind” again) and been forced to sit through long boring non-classics (I would rather watch “Gone With […]

Dear Gentleman Behind Me In the Movie Theater…

Dear gentleman behind me in the movie theater, Wow! That sure was a great movie, huh? I bet you thought there were a lot of very funny parts and a good soundtrack. I know you enjoyed it because I could hear your laughter. I, however, am not sure whether I enjoyed it or not. See, […]

The Best Oscar Predictions the Internet Has to Offer

Everyone likes to try to predict the Oscars. I’m no different. No, I’m no movie critic. I have, though, seen dozens of movies in my life. In this day and age, this makes me as viable of a critic as most of the critics floating around the internet today. Knowing that, I feel it is […]

Thursday Haiku

Films: Ultimate art. Express man’s struggles, mirror them. What? “Battleship”?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Related articles Star Wars Week (haikucrew.wordpress.com) Haiku Heights – String (hibernationnow.wordpress.com) Haiku (mindflurries.wordpress.com)

Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You: Kazaam 2

File this in the “I Wish I Was Making This Up File.” Boston, MA– Shaquille O’Neal has done it all: Become a basketball MVP, a successful rapper, a law enforcement official, and an actor. Now that he’s accomplished it all, why not do it again? That’s the attitude O’Neal, currently the back-up center for the […]