The Story of Independence Day

Gather around children, listen to what I say As I tell you of our American Independence Day.   The story began in 1773 When Britain’s stupid king raised the taxes on tea.    “We won’t stand for this!” the colonists shouted So into the harbor a shipment was rerouted.    “Hey, that was our tea!” […]

Canada Day: Just Like the Fourth of July, But Three Days Earlier and a Bit More Northern

This is it. This is the final straw. You have crossed the line this time and I won’t easily forget a violation of this magnitude. You, Canada, are on my list. Everyone in the world knows that the Fourth of July is American Independence Day, the anniversary of the greatest day in the history of […]

Prepare Your Fireworks, One Week Until We Start Trying To Blow Things Up!

This past weekend, I wondered by an Old Navy. Just to be clear, I am talking about the store, not a group of aged sailors. I don’t usually run in the same circles as them. Inside the store, I saw it. There, piled and stacked in the midst of pre-distressed jeans and polo shirts, sat […]

Flag Day: Our Star Spangled Salute to Betsy Ross

The hot, stupid, hot days of summer are here again. It’s time for sunburns, heat exhaustion, embarrassment caused by your swimsuit (Seriously, they told me EVERYONE in Europe wears them!), and, worst of all, people continuing to wear that embarrassing swimsuit even after they have seen that it has left people dry heaving. To make […]