Weddings: The Most Romantic Nonsense You Will Ever See

In the life of a woman, there are a handful of monumental moments. Their entire life, they will be able to, in detail, tell stories of their first kiss, first date, their first boyfriend. All of these stories, though, pale in comparison to the event they lead up to. The wedding. Dozens of times in […]

Happy Birthday, From Your Facebook Friends

When I woke up this morning, it seemed like just any average day. The floor still squeaked, my shower was still very moist, my dog was still sleeping in a puddle of her own slobber. Nothing seemed special in any way. Then, I took a second to glance at my phone. What I saw was […]

Farewell Middle Class, The Lottery is About To Make Me Rich

I hate being poor. In movies, being poor looks great. You either work way harder than everyone else, eventually becoming successful and reaching that goal you have always dreamed of or you and your other poor friends spontaneously burst into song and choreographed dance. It’s fantastic. In real life, it’s much less pleasant. Without money, […]

Procrastination: Just One of My Many Talents

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” –Don Marquis “The greatest amount of wasted time is the time not getting started.” –Dawson Trotman “Ugh… I’ll do it later. ‘The Wonder Years’ is on…” –Nathan Badley I can be a very hard worker. There have been times in my life that I have become […]

Exclamation Marks: WE ARE SO EXCITED!!!! SEE!!!

People get excited a lot these days. I remember a time in my life when people were rarely excited. As a kid, I don’t remember the level of excitement ever quite reaching a fever pitch. Back in elementary school, every sentence we wrote for English would end in a period. It didn’t matter what was […]

How To Make Friends at School: A Semi-Expert’s Guide

It seems like it was just yesterday when summer began. Well, it wasn’t. Seriously, look at your calendar. August is almost over which means one thing: the school year is set to begin. This year, I will be an adjunct professor at my alma mater, MidAmerica Nazarene University. As a professor (Editor’s Note: He is […]

Barack Obama, Shower Curtains, and Dachshund Paws: The Ramblings of a Sleepless Man

It is currently 4:14 in the AM. So why am I awake right now, you may ask? Well, I am asking the same question. I don’t have a good answer. Maybe I’m concerned with the economy. Maybe I’m worried about the type of world my future children will have to live in. Maybe my dog […]

Cell Phones: Now With Extra Creepy!

On Jeopardy a while ago, there was a competition between smug, way-too-smart-for-their-own-good humans and a smug, way-too-smart-for-its-own-good computer. It was man versus machine, a timeless competition between humankind and what we can create. Guess what? The computer won. I’m uncomfortable with technology being smarter than me. The only advantage I have over computers at this […]

RIP Cell Phone; Hello New Technology

I remember when my mom got her first cell phone. It was a large brick of a cell phone that was able to do two things: Call people and play a game where you controlled a worm. What a technological marvel it was. It was like a phone you would have in your house, but […]

Hulk Hogan: The Eccentric Genius

I want to be famous. I don’t want to be famous for the same reasons everyone else does, though. I have no delusions of grandeur and I don’t really care that much about money. I watch MTV Cribs and wonder why anyone would even want some of these things that they beam about. I feel […]