Things To Think About

-People always say “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” That, though, does not seem like a specific enough statement. Where are the tough going? Maybe they went to grab some Korean food or to pick up a pack of gum. A better statement would be “When the going gets tough, the tough […]


The Greatest Presidents’ Day Pageant Ever

Let’s be honest: Presidents’ Day gets the shaft. As far as holidays go, it falls somewhere between Labor Day and Micronesia Independence Day. Aside from some killer sales on cars (“0.9% APR on a new Honda!”) and a day off work, no one really cares about Presidents’ Day. Well, it’s time for that to change. […]

I Guess My Blog is Lovely?

I don’t win a lot of things. I once beat my phone at a game of Monopoly, but I’m still pretty convinced that was a fluke. Because of this, my life has been fairly awardless. (Yes, I know awardless isn’t a word. Thanks for noticing, Captain Dictionary.) I do not frequently win or receive nominations […]

Dear Barack Obama

Dear Barack Obama, Hello. How are you? I am also well, thanks for asking. It’s so great that we could catch up like this. I was watching the Celebrity Apprentice on Sunday night. I do this every Sunday night with hopes of eventually seeing the animal on Donald Trump’s head move. It still hasn’t, but […]

Earth Hour 2011: Learn to Love the Dark

I’ve been training for this all year. Tomorrow, the pain, the torture, all of the stress will be worth it when my switch-flipping finger can properly save the world. Tomorrow is Earth Hour. For those who aren’t too sure what I’m talking about, read a newspaper every so often. I can’t be your source of […]

Daytona 500: Slightly more exciting than watching nothing at all…

All across this grand country, the trailer parks are abuzz. The Super Bowl of auto racing has arrived. This Sunday, the Daytona 500 will be run. (Little known fact: The first Daytona 500 was run in 1845 when a young Abraham Lincoln outraced Mark Twain. He was later disqualified for using illegal shoes on his […]