Word to the Wise: When Left On, Car Lights WILL Run Down Your Battery

It was late tonight when we pulled into the parking lot. My wife and I had spent the evening looking for stationery and a backpack (Don’t ask) and our journeys had led us to our fourth store in the last hour and a half. As we pulled into our parking spot, a lady stuck her […]

The Amazing Elastic Ankles and the Adventure of the Family Pictures

Occasionally, you discover something about yourself that you never dreamed possible. Throughout your whole life, you had never thought about the possibility that you could be this thing and even if you had, you would have scoffed at the idea. Today, I found out I am a contortionist. Like most self-discovery, it came at a […]

Oh, How I Miss Summer Vacation…

George Bernard Shaw once said “Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.” When I was younger, I would have thought that ridiculous. “George Bernard Shaw is a stupid dummy,” I would have said. “Who cares about dumb Irish playwrights? Plus, his literary criticism was not as great as some […]

My Hat: The Only Friend I Need

My parents gave me a lot of great things. As long as you get past my height, bad eye sight, or the fact that I am destined to have high cholesterol and blood pressure, possibly leading to my heart exploding into a billion pieces, their genes did a pretty decent job. There is one other […]

Kiss Entertainment Goodbye. The Summer TV Season is Upon Us.

It’s a time of great uncertainty. The world is about to enter an unknown territory full of ambiguity. There is no telling whether we will come out of this valley of doubt intact and well or whether we will be crushed under the weight of whatever lies ahead. The summer TV season is upon us. […]

Moms: Where Would We Be Without Them?

There are some holidays that should not exist. For instance, Arbor Day. What have trees ever done for us? What a bunch of jerks. Mother’s Day is not one of those days. In fact, Mother’s Day is a day that should be celebrated more than any other. Here is why:   –         She birthed you. […]

Conversation: My Kryptonite

I am not the most social person in the world. I know what you’re saying. “But how can a person that delightful and engaging be mildly antisocial? He seemed like a charming raconteur who would eagerly share a tale of whimsy with anyone. Why, I would have assumed he would be the life of any […]

My Favorite Holiday? I’m Glad You Asked…

A while back (8 days, 19 hours and 15 minutes ago to be exact) I was asked a very intriguing question. I had finished a post apologizing to Earth for the fact that we are a bunch of stupid idiots when I was “tagged” by a person named Angrygorillaemissions. (You should go peruse this blog, […]

Watch Your Back, Graduates! Here Comes Adulthood!

Greetings, college graduates. Within the month, you will be done with college. You will be kicked out of your cozy dorm room and, for the first time in your 22 years on this planet, you will be forced to completely fend for yourself. You will find yourself without the amenities that you have had in […]