Got “Got Milk?” Not Anymore…

All good things must come to an end.

After 20 years, the iconic “Got Milk?” campaign will be wrapping up. No more celebrities with ridiculous unrealistic milk mustaches. Farewell to the grammatically incorrect slogan that for years has haunted me. It is like a tiny piece of my childhood has died.

Not one to miss out on a chance to finally become the affluent member of society I really feel I should be, I have come up with a few slogans for the Milk Processor Education Program. (This is a real thing. I am not making the name up.) Yes, I know you have developed a new slogan already. “Milk Life.” What does that even mean? That is the worst slogan I have ever heard, and your last slogan seemed to be written by a person who did not have a firm grasp on the English language. There is no need to worry, though. I have your back.

I will happily sell any of these slogans for a small fee:


-Milk: The Best Thing That Comes Out of a Cow

-Be Lactose Tolerant. Drink Milk.

-Milk: What, You Want Dry Cereal?

-Want To Grow Wings and Fly To The Moon? Drink Milk.*

-Milk: Like Water, But Not As Clear And Completely Different In Every Way

-Milk: The Only Liquid You Can Add Chocolate To. Well, I Guess You Can Add Chocolate to Any Liquid, But It Isn’t Recommended

-Do You Happen To Have Milk?


If you are interested, Milk Processor Education Program, and I know you are, let me know. These slogans will be in high demand, so you will want to jump on this fast.


*Milk does not actually help you grow wings or fly. It is an excellent source of Vitamin K, though.

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