Why Do You Hate Me, Mother Nature?

Umbrella with raindrops (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Summer is not a season that I hold in high regard.

There are a lot of reasons for this thought on summer. As a person who does not enjoy beaches, pools, or tanning, the main draw of the season is lost on me. Every musician tries their best to create a summer anthem for people at the pool and/or beach to bop along to as they do their pooling and beaching. (Do people still say “bop along to”? I should try to bring that back…) The TV shows that I enjoy have long since been packed up in favor of reality competitions involving dancing to bad music, singing bad music, or, in the case of “America’s Got Talent,” do many things that are incredibly not useful set to music.

The main reason, though, is the heat.

I had never liked summer. Then I received my current vehicle: a 1992 Ford Explorer. Promptly after I began driving it, the air conditioning went out. That’s when I discovered how hot a car can really be. After this car sat in the sun, I would find myself subjected to a mobile sweat lodge on my drive home. It was so hot, and I must emphasize that this is absolutely true, I had to get a steering wheel cover because the rubber that was used during the manufacturing of this vehicle was melting onto my hands. I promise this is not an exaggeration. Ask my wife.

I discovered that the only way to make it even remotely bearable was to leave my windows rolled down throughout the day if I knew for a fact that it would not rain into my beloved death trap.

When I pulled into my parking lot at work today, I did just this. The sun was shining, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The summer heat has already begun to pop its terrible malicious head out and I knew that on the way home, I would so desperately wish it was 92 degrees in my car instead of 170. I cracked my windows and headed into work.

The sun was still very bright outside as I headed into a meeting at 10 o’clock. I watched out the window at the beautiful day while I sat there. Around 11, we headed out of the meeting. I went to the restroom and then to grab another cup of coffee.

As I sat down at my desk, I felt a dark force approach. Something very unpleasant was about to happen.

“Hey,” my coworker said. “It’s raining!”

I looked outside to see something resembling a monsoon outside. I sat there for a second, thinking about how sudden this was. I mean, things can just change like that. There is no rhyme or reason to life. It’s all just one big mysterious happenstance after another…

“My windows!” I exclaimed under my breath. The entire philosophical moment I had just experience was gone. The only thing that makes the heat worse in my car is if I am sitting on a wet seat AND hot. I know this from experience. I promptly jumped from my desk and rode the elevator four floors down. I hurriedly rushed to the front entrance.

It was raining even harder now. I stopped at the door. I did not want to be wet all day. I would be miserable and cranky. People would ask what was wrong with me and my only answer would be “Wet socks.” Fortunately, I found a saving grace. There, next to the door, sat a basket of umbrellas.

“Can I use one of these?” I asked the building security officer nearby.

“Yeah. Just sign one out.” I had no time for signing out umbrellas! My car was very quickly becoming an above-ground pool. Besides, why would I need to sign one out? Do I look like an umbrella grabbing scamp who goes from building to building collecting umbrellas? I grabbed one and rushed over to the umbrellas sign out sheet. Filling in everything I turned and headed to the sudden storm outside. I was not looking forward to it. I expected to be immediately drenched when I walked outside. I opened the umbrella, took a deep breath, and stepped out.

It immediately stopped raining.

The sun had popped back out and I closed my umbrella. I walked through the puddles to my car and rolled up the windows. After all, it would definitely rain again. That couldn’t be it.

It was it. I waited for the rain, but none ever came. The rest of the day the sun beat down on my car and heated it up to roughly the temperature of the planet Mercury. I am amazed I did not get heat exhaustion and die on my way home.

I guess Mother Nature wins this round. She got the better of me and I commend her for that. Maybe this is her way of telling me to stop driving a gas guzzling behemoth of a vehicle and to try to protect the environment from pollutants.

Or Mother Nature is just a fickle, fickle, shrew. Either way, I really ought to get my air conditioning looked at…