There are a lot of reasons to love Chinese food. There are very few types of food that offer up dozens of chicken dishes that, in essence, are pretty much the same thing but with a different sauce. There aren’t many types of food that name a major dish after historical figures like a general who spent a great deal of his life warring with Russians. Plus, you get to eat with sticks. No other genre of food would dream of using utensils that daring.
The main reason to love Chinese food, though, comes at the end of a meal. After shoving orange chicken and lemon chicken and pepper chicken and General Tso’s chicken in my mouth for an hour or so, a waiter will inevitably bring me a stale cookie. Inside that cookie, the keepers of the Chinese food have placed a piece of paper that inevitably will make me feel great about myself.
Chinese food is the world’s most complimentary food.
After dining this evening, I opened up that little cookie. There, on the piece of paper, was the nicest thing anyone or anything has ever said to me.
Printed in between two beaming smiley faces, it read, “You are admired by everyone for your talent and ability.”
Now, I have had complimentary fortune cookies before. They usually show a great deal of faith in me, saying that my kindness will lead to great wealth or that success is inevitable. These little baked treats really believe in me, it seems, and constantly are urging me forward towards some sort of world domination.
This is a far cry from the end of most other meals. If I were to enjoy a nice burger at Jack in the Box, my food wouldn’t tell me anything nice at the end of the meal. In fact, I get the feeling it is just saying, “Wait to go, tubbo! You just ate an entire day’s worth of food in one sitting. I hope you enjoy hardened arteries!”
There is no judgment from a fortune cookie, though. Just blind faith in me.
If someone were smart, they would create a type of fortune cookie for everyday life. Whenever someone is feeling down at work, a waiter would walk by, hand you a cookie and within seconds you would feel great due to a tiny baked good telling you that “a happy life is just in front of you.” It would be a great motivator for a company to have around.
Of course, this fortune seems a bit off. I mean EVERYONE? What are we talking about here? Do we mean everyone I know, everyone in the restaurant, everyone working at the fortune cookie factory? Surely we don’t mean everyone in the world admires me for my talents and abilities.
Don’t get me wrong. I have a lot of talents and abilities. I worked in a restaurant in college, so I am great at carrying multiple plates at a time. I’m very good at tying my shoes, having done it every day for at least the past 18 years. I can work a toaster like you wouldn’t believe.
These just don’t seem like admirable talents to me.
Who am I to question a fortune cookie, though? They are (I assume) created by magic men who can see into the future. Surely they know something I don’t.
I just hope that knowing about this admiration that everyone has for me doesn’t go to my head. It would be very easy to start feeling overly confident and cocky knowing that everyone feels this way about me. I don’t want to become one of those inaccessible geniuses that spends their life alone because no one believes that they can measure up to their brilliance.
I guess I could just go to Jack in the Box if my ego gets too out of control. That burger will knock me down a peg or two.