Congratulations, ____________. America Is In Great Hands.

As a patriotic individual, I felt it was my duty to comment on the 2012 presidential election that took place today. Unfortunately, I could not wait to post it. They won’t know who won until, like, 9 o’clock. I will be far too tired to write about the purple mountain’s majesty or fruited plains by that time. (Note to self: Fruited Plains would be a great name for a patriotic children’s cereal.)

So I went ahead and wrote about it without any information about the final results. I guess you can just fill in the blanks when you find out the winner. I’m sure it will hold up.


After months of campaigning and speculation, it has finally ended. The exit polls are finally in and, when everything is tallied, ____________ has been elected as the leader of this fine nation.

When I saw ____________ on that stage with his family, I will admit I teared up a bit. Just knowing that a man of that caliber would be at the reins of America was enough to inspire nationalism in even the most cynical of us. I was balling, red, white and blue tears streaming down my face and pooling into a gross, disgusting patriotic puddle at my feet.

It has not been an easy path to say the least. Who can forget ____________’s turn in the debate when they made the excellent point that our country needs to head into better direction? ___________ disagreed, saying that the country needed to head down a more beneficial path, not in ____________’s direction. ___________ and ____________ were at each other’s throats, hoping to prove that they knew how to lead this country best.

As if that were not enough, the election divided the country more than before.  People on both sides were predicting the end of the world if the other candidate were elected into office. ___________ was after ____________ every second of every day.

As difficult as the campaigning was, ____________ will have an even more difficult road ahead of him. Currently, we are a nation that is divided into two camps: the wrong and the right. We also cannot agree which side is which, so it is a very confusing time.

I know that ____________ will do an excellent job of uniting our country. ____________ will have to guide this country out of a terrible economic situation and will be fought by the ___________ party the whole way. In the end, though, ____________ will be able to make it happen.

By the end of ____________’s  term in office, America’s finances should be headed the correct direction. America’s foreign relationships will be stronger than ever. We will absolutely not be in another war, that’s for sure.

Call me an optimist, but I expect the best from ____________. After all, this country was built through diversity. We survived a civil war, a depression, two world wars and a bunch of other stuff that we studied in history class. ____________ will have his chance to shape our history further and to help America continue to thrive in the face of adversity.

So, congratulations ____________. America is happy to have you at our helm. With you guiding us, we shall never crumble.

That is if America survives until 2013. Fingers crossed.

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