Go Ahead And Keep My Flying Car

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I am not a needy person. In fact, there are very few things I want in life. There is one thing, though, that I have always wanted for as long as I can remember.

I have always wanted a flying car.

For as long as I can remember, I have added this to my list of gifts I wished to receive.  You could find it sandwiched between a seemingly normal request such as socks and a much more bizarre request such as former Kansas City Royal Steve Balboni. The second item was strategically placed to make my flying car seem more realistic. There is no way I could own my own personal retired baseball player. It makes a flying car seem much more feasible.

Realistically, I knew that I would never receive a flying car. For starters, it is hard to receive an item that has never been invented. That is probably why I have also never received a time machine, invisible car, genie, or a machine that turns trash into money. They would also be far too expensive.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not delusional. I don’t think that owning a flying car would be a walk in the park. There would be an insane amount of safety features and probably a really complicated seatbelt that I would have trouble figuring out. I would assume that oil changes would be expensive. Plus I would probably only be able to put premium gas in it.

That is a small price to pay for a flying car, though.

Just imagine never having to be stuck in a traffic jam again. Instead of sitting there, wishing that the stupid Toyota Corolla in front of you would just move, you would be flying overhead, laughing at the poor suckers who are stuck on the ground like a bunch of losers. Parking would also be a breeze. You would just hover over a parking lot until you find a spot, than lower into it before any other car would be able to spot it.

More importantly, though, you would be able to brag to your friends. Who cares about that brand new iPad you just got? My car soars through the clouds like a majestic eagle.

Yes, a flying car is the ideal way to travel. Of course at some point, though, everyone will have a flying car. Then my flying car will no longer be special. It will be just like everyone else’s and we will all be stuck in a terrible flying traffic jam because some idiot had to try to jet into a flying lane without signaling first. Worst of all, I will no longer be cutting edge. I will be lame and just like everyone else.

That is why, for the foreseeable future, I will not be asking for a flying car. Instead, I have a new plan. I will hang on to my 1992 Ford Explorer. When flying cars come out, I will keep driving it. Soon, everyone will have flying cars and be stuck in their flying traffic jams, cursing at other fliers and suffering from intense sky-rage. Meanwhile, I will be driving underneath them laughing. Sure, I’m not cutting edge, but I am always on time without much of a hassle.

Besides, I’d rather hold out for the brand new teleporter. That thing will definitely be crazy.


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