I Am Sorry I Made Fun of Lady Parts

A couple of months ago, I wrote a bit laughing a bit at a group who was hosting a protest in Central Park for “Equal Nipple Rights for women.” There were several reasons, namely being a quote about dog nipples and quick research into the day revealing that the day of protest was created by the founder of a religion that involves UFOs. I received a small smattering of comments, all of which were in neutral to positive range. Then today, this post seemed to have pushed someone’s buttons and I received this comment:


I am shocked to see how ignorant and demeaning people can be in the year 2012. These women are attempting to raise awareness about an outdated sexist mentality that honestly shouldn’t be in existence today. The point is not that women have been long harbouring the secret desire to frolic around Manhattan for your entertainment; the point is on a hot day when everyone is laying out on the lawn at the park soaking up the sun why should a woman have to sweat through her bra or bathing suit top while a man can play Frisbee, for instance, completely bare-chested. Do you think that treatment is a demonstration of equality?

What is the actual reason for it? Because a woman tends to have larger breasts? Well that one doesn’t quite hold up since I’ve seen some pretty big (mammary glands) on some big burly men. Because there can be sexual enjoyment from them? The same kind of enjoyment also experienced by men? Why not cover our lips and hands for that matter? A kiss sure gets me hot and bothered and holding hands is just dandy.

I mean honestly, what the hell does it matter whether someone who is not you is allowed to have the same freedoms that you have? It’s not as though if the taboo against women being able to go shirtless in the same public places a man does were gone then suddenly all women would lose the ability to cover up if they chose to. In other countries it is perfectly normal for a woman to lounge in public reading a book, talking with friends, or sunning herself without a shirt on, why should we be so antiquated that we find this immoral.

In these places there is nothing sexual about it, no one gawks in appalled shock. The ground doesn’t open up underneath them and swallow the city for allowing such uncouth behavior. Lightning bolts do not fly from the sky and strike the shameless harlots who dared to be comfortable in public, in the same manner a man could. And mothers do not yank their children from the sights of such utter disgrace, shielding their eyes and running to the nearest place of worship to cleanse their innocence of the wanton horror they have just witnessed. Instead, life goes on. People walk on by. It is considered normal. Because there is nothing abnormal about it, other than a sexist idea drilled into our minds about what is appropriate and what is not.

Words like yours take away what bravery these women had to go against societal prejudices. Years ago it was considered inappropriate to show your ankle, how do you think the women who fought to have that view changed felt when some man poked fun at them, demeaning their attempts as though they were just silly little women thinking that exposing their ankle was something that actually amounted to some measure of importance? I commend these women their effort and hope that you might possess the ability to open your mind about other people’s concerns, no matter how trivial you may perceive those to be. –Sara L.


I felt it only fair to reply to Sara and let her know how I felt about her insanely long and, at times, rambling, albeit very expressive comment.


Dear Sara L.,

I’m sorry to hear that you think I am ignorant and demeaning. I don’t mean to be. I fully support people’s rights to protest for worthy causes. For instance, I do not have a single issue with women protesting about the fact that, as of 2011, women were only earning 81% of what their male counterparts were in their respected fields. I think this is an area that there should be equality and focusing of attention on this area is a worthwhile endeavor.

Focusing on breasts is not.

There are several issues I have with this protest. Number one, the quote that I pulled for my post (““My dog has six, I have two, but I can be put in jail for showing my nipples. It’s 2012 — what are we thinking?”) is what I would like to call “a ridiculous argument.” That is the equivalent of me complaining that dogs are allowed to poop in plain sight of others or lick their crotches without being ridiculed, yet I am not allowed such freedoms. If at any point in time you are forced to bring a dog or the number of dog nipples into an argument, you have completely lost any validity your point might have had.

Secondly, please look up the founder of this day, Rael. While this is not a real issue with the event, he may be the craziest and most fascinating person to ever exist in the history of mankind. I would imagine that a conversation with that man is never dull.

Lastly, though, is this: I don’t care if these women fight for their right to be shirtless. That is their prerogative. They have free speech and are more than allowed to protest whatever they feel is necessary, no matter what it may be. The fact, though, that I am considered ignorant for taking the opportunity to laugh at a topless protest started by a former race car journalist turned self-proclaimed messiah which features women comparing their anatomy to that of a dog (not exactly the most flattering of comparisons, I would say) means that the supporters of this protest, i.e.  you, have a strange double standard that free speech is only valid if it is pro-nipple.

In fact, if you go back to my original post, I never even mentioned how I felt about the issue. I mentioned how I felt about this particular protest and the nonsense that I felt was being spouted off throughout it. This means that you are not attacking my views or, since you don’t really know what they are, even disagreeing with them. You are specifically attacking my finding humor in this.

Let me tell you, it has nothing to do with women. If men were protesting the fact that they have to cover their members and saying that their dog never is arrested for exposing himself in a public place, I would be very happy to make fun of it. I am nothing if not fair and willing to make fun of anything that seems ridiculous to myself.

One last note: the main reason the law does not force men to cover their nipples is simple: men’s breasts are not considered sexual organs. They are just considered disgusting.

See? Do you really want to have the same rights as that guy? Seeing him makes me never want to take my shirt off again out of fear that someone might find it as disgusting as I find that.

I hope that you are able to relax and realize that you have taken a great deal of time to attack a humor blog that is not exactly the world’s go-to spot for reading material. Also, please learn to use spell check and divide your comment into paragraphs. Editing that mess took me a very long time.




2 thoughts on “I Am Sorry I Made Fun of Lady Parts

  1. I’ve got your back! I look forward to laughing at your blog, and her reply almost killed my mojo. Thanks for reviving it by posting that picture of Gary’s moobs. Some people take life way too seriously. I’d rather have smile wrinkles than those hideous forehead ones from being angry at the world for forcing me to wear a bra and shirt. I’m glad you stood up for yourself!


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