Entry From A Dog’s Diary, September 16th

Dear Diary,

Being a dog can be very tiring. As you well know, I end each day in a state of exhaustion. Sure, part of it is because of my busy schedule. I honestly have no idea how I find enough time in the day for my 14 naps.

Today, though, it finally clicked. My exhaustion has nothing to do with naps or licking myself or trying to get that four-month old Froot Loop out from under the stove. Those things are exhausting, but nothing compares to trying to keep up with the humans.

Take today for instance. I was sitting on the couch minding my own business. The man was sitting there next to me when, without even a second of warning, he stood up and headed up the stairs.

Now, I obviously have no choice but to follow him. Sure, the least he could do is give me some sort of warning that he is planning on going up there, but I learned long ago not to expect any sort of consideration from him. I would let him go up alone, but there are far too many things for him to get into up there.

I sat at the top of the stairs and watched as he headed towards the bathroom. Instinctively, I took off running. I mean, there are so many dangers in that room! He could get himself stuck in that giant bowl of water he is always trying to sit on or accidentally drown in that water that falls from the ceiling. I would never be able to live with myself if I let something like that happen to him. Plus he wouldn’t be there to feed me, so that would be unpleasant.

No sooner had I gotten to the door (I had gotten distracted by a smell coming from the bedroom. As it turns out, it was the scent of carpet.) then he turned around and headed back out the door. I carefully spotted him as he walked down the steps. He is a huge klutz and I would not be surprised to find out he had tumbled to his death trying to get to the couch.

Somehow, he safely made it to the bottom. There would be no rest for me yet, though. He passed right by the couch and headed to the kitchen, a room full of knives and ovens and machines that destroy things and chocolate: essentially the four most dangerous things in the world. I was on edge, watching him sort through the refrigerator.

After a quick check to see if he had dropped food followed by a second, longer check to see if he had dropped food, I turned to follow him. That’s when I spotted the most heinous device on the planet.

The vacuum cleaner.

What was he doing?! That thing has killed literally billions of people! It is also very loud! What is wrong with him?!

I began barking, trying my best to scare the beast back into the closet. Of course there was no appreciation from him. Just scolding for being too loud.

Maybe I should just let him go down the stairs by himself next time. That would teach him.

Until tomorrow,



22 thoughts on “Entry From A Dog’s Diary, September 16th

  1. O.M.G….I just found your blog and this post is hilarious. I have three Shih Tzu’s and I can only imagine what goes through their little minds every time someone in our house bolts off the sofa, or moves from room to room. Our little guy Zeek chases the vacuum and barks, while the other two run to the highest level in the house to escape the beast.

    Thanks for the laugh tonight.


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  3. My dog’s entry would included a 3 am of waking up my dad so that he can be let out to sniff around, pretend to pee and guarding the house from insects…hehehe No wonder it’s 9 am and he’s fast asleep on my bed.


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