Ever Wished You Could Drink Bacon? No, Me Neither…

English: A bacon cheeseburger (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is always a good idea when you are in a new city to try to get your bearings. If you do not, there is a strong likelihood that you will wander into the wrong neighborhood and get stabbed repeatedly in the face and/or neck. Having arrived in Nashville yesterday and wishing to avoid any face or neck stabbing, I decided to spend a bit of time trying to learn my new area. I wandered many streets and, as is prone to happen, this made me quite thirsty.

I walked into a nearby store and headed to a case full of cool refrigerated beverages. As I grabbed my delicious and refreshing ginger ale, my eyes drifted to the next refrigerator case over.

Now, I am a very adventurous soda drinker. Why, just yesterday I put cherry AND vanilla in my Diet Coke. I don’t want to brag, but I have had more than one “suicide” in my life. I am a bit of a beverage daredevil.

There are some flavors I can’t imagine turning into a carbonated beverage. For instance, I am pretty sure a radish flavored soft drink would be a huge miss. I have never eaten a radish in my life and thought “it would be nice to have this flavor in some sort of effervescent liquid.” Come to think of it, I have never had a radish and thought it would be nice to have that flavor in anything.

What I saw was a bit stranger than radish, though. A company in their infinite wisdom had created, bottled, and distributed a bacon soda.

America is a country full of bacon lovers. A dear friend once told me that each piece of bacon takes off nine minutes of a person’s life. If that is true, I know some people who should have been scheduled to die 14 years before they were born.

I stood there for a second, just staring. There might be a situation where this is a good option. For instance, if I went to a restaurant and wanted to order a bacon cheeseburger, but accidentally ordered a regular cheeseburger, this would be an easy fix without having to annoy my server.

Also, if you were a big fan of soda but you had a Jewish roommate who kept drinking yours without permission, this is the drink for you. He would never know for sure if it was kosher or not, so he would definitely steer clear. Of course, the negative would be that the drink you are hoarding tastes like a breakfast meat, but that is the price you pay for drink security.

The plus side for this company is they have a monopoly. If Coke is going to introduce a bacon-infused soft drink, these guys are ahead of the game. I am certain that somewhere in the company, they are probably busy trying to expand their monopoly into other meat arenas. Sausage. Meatloaf. Deer jerky. Pastrami. Pork chops. Cow tongue. The list is as long as the number of living creatures that can be cooked. That is a long list.

The obvious downside, though, is this has to be disgusting. For a second, I considered getting it just so I knew for a fact it was gross. Then I remembered that I have standards.

So I had a Moon Pie Cappuccino from a gas station instead. Apparently my standards are not very strong.

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