Obama or Romney: Who Should Get a Shot at Destroying America?

U.S. Presidential flag, 1960-present (not usua...

U.S. Presidential flag, 1960-present (not usually called a “standard” in official U.S. government terminology). It is defined in Executive Order 10860. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As an unaffiliated, independent voter, it is a very confusing time for me. The 2012 presidential election is here and I am being pulled in two different directions. On the one hand, I have Barack Obama, our current president who came into office with big plans to fix the country. On the other hand, I have Mitt Romney who has promised to fix Barack Obama’s fixing of the country.

How is a person to choose? Obama is endorsed by Will Ferrell and no one knows politics like the star of the movie “Elf.” Romney, in turn, is endorsed by Clint Eastwood. Having seen “Gran Torino,” I am inclined to believe that Eastwood knows what he is talking about. I am also prone to belief that he may be very racist, but that may have just been the character.

Thankfully, there are many people who have information that is valuable in this situation. Just this last weekend, country singer and political mastermind Hank Williams, Jr. had this to say:

“We’ve got a Muslim for a President who hates cowboys, hates cowgirls, hates fishing, hates farming, loves gays, and we hate him.”

When I heard about these comments, I was shocked. What Williams had said was horrifying. I mean, I had no idea our president felt this way about such a vast array of topics. Quickly, I began to formulate my thoughts on the comments.

I do not care at all if Barack Obama is a Muslim. There is no reason for me to be worried about him being Muslim, although the way Hank said it, I feel that I should be worried. Maybe I just live too recklessly to care about my president’s alleged and most likely incorrect belief in Allah and the Qur’an.

The fact that Obama hates fishing actually makes me like him even more. Fishing is the most boring pastime imaginable. I do not want a president who is going to take a foreign dignitary on a fishing trip. That is a bad idea.

What did concern me, though, were his thoughts on people. I understand why Obama would love homosexuals. I have met a few homosexuals in my life and they are all very pleasant. Not to stereotype, but all of my encounters with gay people lead me to believe that every single gay person on the planet is a delight to be around. Also, half of them will make fun of me for my taste in clothing, though I feel straight people would do the same thing.

His views on gay people are understandable. Why, though, does Obama hate cowboys and cowgirls? What have they done to him? I mean, they can be a bit rough around the edges. The guys wear ridiculous belt buckles and they more likely than not have terrible grammar, but that does NOT mean you can hate them.

As if that were not confusing enough, NBC News alerted me that Chuck Norris has a few things to say as well:

“…Chuck Norris quotes from a 1964 speech given by Ronald Reagan to say that Obama  “will sentence (our children) to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness,” NBCNews.com reported. Norris warned that America “may be lost forever if we don’t change the course our country is taking.”

Wait just one darn second. If I vote for Obama, I will have to live in the dark? I like the sun! Will it be sunnier if I vote for Mitt Romney? How does the president control how dark or bright the world will be? Is there some sort of sunlight machine they control? And do I really need to be concerned that Obama will lose America? That is a huge chunk of land to just misplace. How can I trust a guy that is just going to lose the country he is in charge of? Will Romney appoint a Secretary of Ensuring the Country Has Not Gone Missing if I vote for him? Also, could I apply for that job?

I was more confused than ever. How in the world would I decide who to vote for?

I guess I could look at the facts. I could weigh the pros and cons of each candidate based on their stances and beliefs and ignore the political rhetoric that is being spewed from every which way. I could stop listening to people telling me that Obama is destroying America or that Romney WILL destroy America and actually think for myself for a minute.

Or I could just write in “Seymour Butts.” I hear candidate Butts has some interesting things to say about cowboys.

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