What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say to a Guy

Cover of Die Hard [Blu-ray]

As I do occasionally, I was perusing a list of Google searches that have led to my blog. I skimmed through, finding the usual “Unicorns” and “Obama Shower Curtain” and came upon a new one I had never encountered.

“What to say when you don’t know what to say to a guy.”

This struck me as odd. I have never once written about this subject, yet people are still hoping I have some sort of information to give them. I suddenly felt an immense amount of pressure, realizing that hundreds, nay, thousands of future relationships were depending on my trivial blog.

Fortunately, I am a giver. For those women out there, these are the things to say to a guy if you don’t know what to say to a guy. They will guarantee that he will pay attention to you:

 

“You look just like an Abercrombie model, but hairier and more clothed.”

“Would you like this free cheeseburger?”

“I bought a piece of furniture but can’t seem to get it put together. If only I knew someone who could put things together WITHOUT instructions…”

“You seem like a dominant alpha male. You know, of humans. Not dogs.”

“I am so tired of driving my 1964 Ford Mustang. Its 289cid 271 horsepower V-8 engine is just so boring…”

“I just wish I could meet a guy who was into watching sports and eating nachos as much as I am.”

“Is this shirt see-through?”

“I genuinely think that any WNBA player could destroy an NBA player one-on-one and I will debate all day over this.”

“I liked ‘The Notebook,’ but for my money, nothing is better than ‘Die Hard.’”

“Hi.”

 

These things will guarantee that a man pay attention to you. If that doesn’t work, just stand in front of him. Eventually he will have to move, so you will be guaranteed at least a two second conversation when he says “Excuse me.”

Happy mate-hunting.