This Day Will Live in Anonymity

It is now 9:15 p.m.

15 hours ago, I was getting out of bed. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, put on some deodorant. After my morning destinking, I got prepared for another day of work. In between then and now, though, nothing happened.

I don’t know how you can go a full 15 hours without one thing of note happening in your life. You would think that there would be an amusing anecdote to remember. Maybe someone in traffic did something funny or a guy at the gas station acted all crazy.

In the 15 hours of my day, everyone drove like model citizens, though. Their hands were at 10 and 2. The man at the gas station was very polite and held the door open for me. Then he bought a slightly abnormal, but not too crazy, amount of Pepsi. He paid with a debit card.

It was very boring.

When I got to work today, I went through my work routine. At some point, I drank coffee. I probably had more coffee after that. I know that I checked my email because I remember seeing an email telling me about car insurance rates. Nothing too specific. Just that their company had some rates and, if I had a car, they would be happy to give them to me. I thought that was very kind of them, but I did not take them up on their offer.

After a while, say five hours, I had lunch. It was a meal of boring chicken, yogurt, and some tortilla chips. I ate it while I watched an episode of “Seinfeld” I had already seen a few times. Surprisingly, a show about nothing did not really provide me with anything of note to pass on to my friends and loved ones.

Then, as I sat back down to work, a car came crashing through the side of my building, Debris flew everywhere as a gentlemen screamed for help, holding his severed arm up to draw attention to his injuries. Blood was everywhere as I worked hard to turn a shoelace into a tourniquet. I moved the man away from the car just as the gas tank exploded, caving in what remained of the east wall.

Of course none of that actually happened. What happened was I checked my email again. This time, I was alerted that my credit score might have possibly changed in the last year. The company sending me the email would be happy to check for me. I turned them down as well.

I read some news for a while. I learned that the stock market was either going to go up or go down depending on who you listened to. Also, apparently the Republicans don’t care for Barack Obama and, surprisingly, the Democrats don’t care for Mitt Romney.

After doing more work, I had a little bit more coffee. It was the middle of the afternoon, so I was feeling a bit tired. For a minute or so, I thought about how great it would be to have a job that allowed naps. Maybe a mattress tester or a competitive sleeper. I wondered if a person in that position would ever say, “Sorry, but I can’t go out tonight. I have a long day of napping ahead of me, so I really need to get some rest.” If I had a friend say that, I would probably kick them in the shin.

After a few more hours of work, I got in my car for the drive home. The most exciting part of the drive was when I saw a dead possum on the side of the road.

At home, I had a nice relaxing evening with my wife. While I enjoy relaxing evenings, I’ve found that they also tend to be void of any interesting activities. I watched TV for a while, then laid down on the couch and watched some more TV. I also petted my dog. She seemed to enjoy that.

It is now 9:40 p.m.That means that in a mere nine hours, I will start this whole cycle over again. This time, though, I will make something exciting happen. Anytime there is a lull in the action, I will shout at the top of my lungs or throw an object at a stranger. That is a sure way to guarantee an interesting story at the end of the day.

It could also lead to a black eye, though.

Maybe I should just stick to the boring.


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