After a weekend of war with my fellow blogger, the Hobbler, I have grown tired of such things. Thus, I have decided to surrender, give her the win, and move on.
I feel no shame at this loss. This is, in part, due to my inability to feel shame most of the time. Perhaps if my brain were wired correctly, this would be ending differently, me running away from WordPress with my tail tucked between my legs (Figuratively, not literally. I have no tail.), perhaps finding solace on some other site like LiveJournal where people have not witnessed my defeat.
In fact, this surrender is in the best interest of all involved. I could not continue to tear apart WordPress any longer. Rather, we must unite together. It will be a long journey back from this type of schism (Our vocab word of the day!), but eventually we will all get there.
To preserve my legacy, though, I have written the following for the history books:
In the spring of 2012, the tensions on the internet had reached a boiling point. Tired of a perceived lack of commenting by blogger Nathan Badley, the Hobbler proceeded to voice her complaints in the following way.
“Thou dost suck at commenting,” she wrote. “You rarely find it in yourself to comment back to the populace…I am not the one and only to go through this outcome. You have been the subject of my scrutiny for quite some time. I beseech thee to become better at this.”
Taking this as a threat, Nathan Badley had no choice but to declare an all out blog war, or bloar. The next few days were filled with fury as fuming bloggers found themselves dividing the blog world in two before turning on each other. It was a time of great panic for all involved.
Seeing the blog world was threatened, Nathan Badley returned to where it had all started: his own blog. Tired of seeing good people suffer, Nathan would step back from the war, conceding victory to the Hobbler.
Some historians say that Nathan is a great hero for putting the interest of the WordPress community ahead of his own. Others say he is the greatest hero. What everyone can agree on is, despite losing, Nathan’s courage to end the war before something disastrous occurred has saved the information superhighway for future generations. That and that he is one of the most devastatingly handsome individuals this world will ever see.
Seriously, he is super dreamy.
Congratulations, Hobbler.
Related articles
- My Declaration of War (badlandsbadley.wordpress.com)
- The Horrors of War (badlandsbadley.wordpress.com)
The Life and Times of Nathan Badley... 
I already took back my offer to let you surrender (cause I’m evil like that), but since it was so beautiful, I will take the victory. Don’t tell all of my evil followers, but I was getting a little tired of fighting with you anyway. I hope you learned a valuable lesson and will reply to all future comments, mine at least… It was fun while it lasted Nathan, thanks.
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Always a pleasure.
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uh… well then what of ….nevermind..back to business as usual I guess… sigh
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It had to happen at some point.
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true
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So heres the thing, I got this comment on my blog from The Hobbler, completely unaware of your recent full-scale, threat-level-midnight-style operation against her, and was caught off guard. You see, I wasn’t familiar with The Hobbler (though if you’re reading this Hobbler, I’m coming over to check you out…the blog I mean, not you…I mean not that you’re probably not…ok, nevermind, where was I? Right, the comment I received), and after reading the comment, I concluded that you had stooped as low as creating a new entity in order to go around and beg people to comment on your blog. At first I thought it fairly pathetic. however, then I realized that I really hadn’t been by in awhile and so I started to feel bad. Then I smacked myself in the face for thinking that way and decided, again, that you were pathetic.
Anyway, now that i’ve learned about this epic battle of good vs. evil (I’ll let other people decided who is who), I give both combatants props for a thoroughly entertaining, quip-tacular, royal rumble. Well played, both of you!
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Thanks! Also, I look forward to you checking me out. Not me, my blog…nevermind. I’ve got to say though, the thing I posted today is not like my normal stuff,so sorry about that. Thanks for the compliment on our war waging skills, and I’m sure Nathan won’t mind you thinking he’s pathetic. He doesn’t mind me replying to comments on his blog either. 😉 Right Nathan? I mean, someone has to do it…
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This is awkward…
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Even though the war is over, I might occasionally take over your blog…I hope you don’t mind. I’ll try to make things as uncomfortable as possible for you Nathan. 😉
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I am very pathetic. That may not be the reason why, but if being pathetic were a sport, I would be Jesse Owens.
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Thank goodness this is over. Now, time for healing between Nathan and the Hobbler. Maybe start by singing “Kumbaya”.
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I was already singing it. I spend roughly 3/4 of my day singing Kumbaya. I find it a good way to get people to stay away from me.
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🙂
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I move ‘bloar’ become the vocab word of the week.
And may I suggest you become a professional history book writer? Great job that!
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I think I would be a great history book writer except for one thing: facts. I really don’t like to stick to them. All of a sudden, history books would have bits about George Washington having wooden teeth because they “mahogany brought out the color in his eyes.” It would be bad.
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