Entry From A Dog’s Diary, April 9th

A miniature dachshund (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear diary,

All I want is peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask for? I mean, I do my part. I rarely say a word, only making a sound to alert the humans that something somewhere has made some sort of knocking sound. They act like they don’t appreciate my help, but I know that deep down they do.

I try to lie down on blanket for a nice relaxing mid-morning nap, yet all I hear are the footsteps and that strange communication of theirs. The same happens during my post-mid-morning nap, pre-afternoon nap, and post-pre-afternoon nap, all the way until after my pre-bedtime nap is supposed to end.

In fact, the only serene time I have to myself are those trips outside. Nothing is more peaceful than being alone for even a second. If I have to go outside to get it, so be it. Sure, I would prefer to stay inside buried in my blanket, but you have to take what you can get.

I eagerly trotted outside the other day. The humans had been particularly irritating, eating in front of me again. I get it. You get great food and I have to eat this kibble. You really are the “masters.”

A quick sniff around the yard told me something wasn’t right. Everything looked okay. It was still very peaceful, but I had a feeling.

Suddenly, I heard it.

“Yip!”

I didn’t have any idea what that could be. The tree wasn’t making that sound. Maybe a weird bird would, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case.

“Yip!”

It happened again. Carefully, I approached the east fence. There, sticking its obnoxious nose through my fence was a Shih Tzu. The new humans next door had apparently brought the most obnoxious dog in the history of the world.

I almost barked, asserting my dominance over the newcomer. This was my territory. There is no reason this new dog should be able to look into it, let alone sniff up my air. As I opened my mouth, I stopped. This was a serene place full of peace and tranquility. My barking would not help this atmosphere.

This new dog, though, clearly did not possess any similar qualms.

“YipYipYipYipYipYip!!!” The dog said, following it up with a “YipYip!”

At this point, I almost lost my cool. I’m normally a very peaceful dog, but the constant yipping was disrespectful. Plus, I was pretty sure that the new dog had peed a bit too close to my fence for comfort.

I looked around the yard for an answer. My thinking was not crystal clear, being distracted by the constant sound piercing my eardrums, but I needed to find a way to shut this dog up. I would have to get over there, but how?

If I were to scale the drainpipe up to the roof, I could get over the fence. Then, carefully, I would have to climb down the neighbor’s brick wall, very carefully avoiding the window well of the basement. Then, I would be able to teach that dog a lesson. I’m pretty athletic for a miniature dachshund, so I didn’t see that being a big problem.

I walked to the fence, putting my paws up on it so as to gain leverage for my leap up the drainage pipe. All the while, the neighbor dog continued yipping. Just as I was about to start climbing, the back door slid open.

“Charlie, come in!” The man called.

This day will go down as the luckiest day the neighbor dog has ever experienced. If it weren’t for the human, I would have ripped that dog in half just like I did yesterday with my squeaky toy.

I hope that dog understands that I will destroy him. You just don’t jack around with a dog’s quiet place.

 

Until tomorrow,

Charlie

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