Now that Thanksgiving is over and done, Americans are all asking the same question. “What should I do with all of these leftovers?” Sure, you can just continue to eat them over and over and over until you’re tempted to cut your tongue out, avoiding the leftover turkey flavor. That, though, can be very messy. Plus, tongues often come in handy. Sarcastic comments lose a lot of meaning if no one can understand them.
Fortunately, we here at the Life and Times have put our best men on this problem. Since we only have one man, it was me. I worked tirelessly for minutes coming up with these ideas, so you know they must be good.
These ideas are sure to solve your leftover problems for good. We, and by that I mean I, guarantee it.
The most beloved Christmas tradition of all time, if you ignore the presents, Christmas dinner, Christmas decorations, Christmas movies, and terrible Christmas sweaters, is without a doubt gingerbread houses. Everyone loves edible buildings and everyone loves feeling like a giant. These houses combine both of these loves into one item.
The one thing no one ever wants to do is eat them.
Since no one is going to eat the gingerbread house, why waste time and money buying gingerbread? Instead, use your leftovers to make these structures. Dried dressing makes for excellent walls. Mashed potatoes could be stucco. Use bits of turkey to create the illusion of a nice brick chimney.
Sure, it could start to smell after a few days. That’s why holiday candles were invented. Set one next to this house and no one will know its made of rotting Thanksgiving food.
Barter for Christmas Gifts
Have you ever heard people say “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Well, they do say it. Seriously, you’ll just have to take my word on that.
Anyway, what these people are trying to say is that everything is of value to someone. This is true for trash and leftovers.
Take your leftovers with you when you begin to shop for Christmas gifts. Why should you have to pay $25 for an item of clothing that will probably be returned on December 26th when you have $25 worth of food sitting at home?
Every man has his price. If you find the right man, that price just might be leftover cranberry sauce.
Torment Your Neighbor’s Pets
You know that stupid dog next door that barks all night long? Get even. Set all of your food just on the other side of the fence and watch that dog try to get to it. Sure, he may continue to bark all night, but at least you’ll know why. Plus, revenge is very sweet.
Develop a Scientific Breakthrough
Why not create a green bean casserole powered car? That would definitely get you a few million dollars from Ford. If cars aren’t really your thing, people would definitely go for a robot made of crescent rolls.
They might be delicious. You’ve never tried them, so you don’t know.
These ideas are sure to clear out that fridge in no time. Plus, you get to keep your tongue. If that doesn’t make these ideas winners, I don’t know what would.