Nathan Sell’s Out

Anyone who grew up in the nineties, listened to music in the nineties or was even alive and conscious in nineties has heard of the Goo Goo Dolls. The band is a quintessential nineties band, releasing such hits as “Iris,” a song that everyone has heard at least once, whether they know it or not.

How many of these people know, then, that the band who produced one of the biggest songs of the nineties, a song full of soft string arrangements and the delightful strumming of a mandolin, released their first single in 1987 on Metal Blade Records, a label specializing in metal music? The answer is no one (or at least no one who doesn’t waste time on Wikipedia).

That is because they made it big all by selling out.

The term “selling out” gets a terrible rap from people. Just ask any person who enjoys independent music and they’ll eloquently express their feelings to you much like this: “Man, selling out totally sucks! It’s like these bands only care about the money and, like, stop caring about the art of it. I mean, who still likes Green Day anymore? No one, because they sold out like a bunch of losers!”

The definition of selling out is very simple. If a person changes what they do artistically in life so that they can earn money, they have sold out. It is one of the most hated things a person could do. It means they are now commercial and everyone hates commercial things. With that said, I have come to a decision.

I am ready to sell out.

I see no downside to it. I have several things I would like to own but my money is currently all tied up in investments like “rent” and “food.” This makes it very difficult to buy all of the things I would currently like to own. If I were to sell out, these things would be provided for me. For example, I could write something like this:

The other day I was driving down the street when, without warning, a car pulled up next to me. I’ve seen cars before, but something was different about it.

Then it clicked. This was a 2012 Ford Focus, completely loaded. I suddenly understood why car theft happens. It’s because Ford makes terrific vehicles. What a great, American company! Ford: the only car company that matters!

Now that I have written this, I should have a brand new Ford Focus parked in front of my apartment in just a matter of days.

This could work with anything. Let’s say I want some Rice-a-roni. All I do is talk about all of the treats San Francisco has to offer, put Rice-a-roni at the top, and bada bing bada boom, I have become a Rice-a-roni sell out.

In fact, I will sell just about anything. Need someone to pitch the next Xbox? I’m your man. Want someone to talk about how great Subway is? Why not? I do love a good sandwich. Looking for someone to sell a seaweed relaxation mask for you? I’ll have to figure out what exactly that means, but I’m in.

Just in case you were wondering, I am very aware of the risk that I am taking by selling out. People will respect me less. All of the blog critics will start calling my blog “too mainstream.” People will hate me and talk about how I “used to be real about blogging.”

Honestly, I’ll probably be depressed about the hatred people feel towards me. The only thing that could cheer me up is probably an iPad. After all, they are the future of technology. Who needs a stupid computer when you can check your Farmville on a tablet? Plus, it has all of those great apps, much better than anything those ANDROID tablets have to offer. IPads: MMM MMM Good.

Who really cares about what people think anyway? Isn’t the ultimate form of selling out changing what your naturally instincts are, i.e. getting free things and money, so that people will like you more than they would? Are bands supposed to change their music so they WON’T become popular? Are actors supposed to only do indie films their entire career and then die penniless and alone?

Besides, there are way worse things in the world than selling out. For instance, not having a daily Big Mac, the greatest burger ever created.

Now that’s a real tragedy.

9 thoughts on “Nathan Sell’s Out

  1. Have you checked my posts? I’m all about sellng out. I’m hoping for a Nikon full-frame “halo” camera, some classic or modern pro lenses, and an Acura NSX. Probably I’ll just get a visit from a mafia enforcer.

    Keep pluggin’! (pun intended)


  2. I always laugh when people say that about musicians. I often like the mainstream stuff. I liked Green Day back in the day, and I still like them now. In fact, I find sometimes things sound better as if they honed their skill or something…

    The whole point is to earn money isn’t it and what better way than expressing yourself musically/perfoming and getting paid as well? So what if you don’t really like it. What sells? OR Do what many artists have done, start your own label.


  3. Damn, that loaded omelet biscuit at Hardee’s has to be the worst new sandwich ever. That’s why I have an ad with an enormous picture of it practically glued to the dresser in my room. What a shame it would be if one of these sandwiches were to fly over on a flying saucer and land on my doorstep. As long as my roommate was gone so she couldn’t steal it or anything.

    Ha ha, great post 🙂


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