There was the invention of the wheel, a device that has led to the automobile, the cart, and, with the addition of a bit of fortune, a game show. There were countless medicine’s, helping protect people from disease and death. There was the ice cream cone.
All of these achievement’s pale in comparison to one of the greatest things to ever arrive in this universe.
“Dancing With the Stars” has them all beat.
It may be hard to remember, but there was a time when the only dancing on television was unappealing. People would see it and immediately switch to a more interesting program. The options were endless because literally everything else on TV was more interesting.
Then, a studio executive had that little light bulb above his head come on. People love celebrities. People love to see celebrities fall down and make fools of themselves. A good way to make someone fall down is force them to dance in a way they are unfamiliar with. If only there was a way we could combine all of these things into one television program….
Boom. “Dancing With the Stars” was born.
While I have never seen the show (I am one of the few people who hates dancing AND dancing celebrities), I am forced to admit the genius of this idea. The only show that would garner more consistent ratings is “The Adorable Fluffy Kitten Hour.” Everyone loves an adorable fluffy kitten, so there would be no escaping that show.
This show is about to begin its 13th season in six years. If that doesn’t prove this show’s popularity enough for you, consider this: today, the most popular search in the WORLD on Google is a leaked list of celebrities for the upcoming season.
Who wouldn’t want to watch these people dance (besides me, of course):
Nancy Grace: A former prosecutor, Ms. Grace is best known for hosting a show on CNN where she screams at people and describes situations with adjectives that are normally reserved for huge disasters such as the Earth being crushed by a meteor or another Vanilla Ice album coming out. All in all, she seems like an unpleasant woman, but I’m sure she dances like an angel.
Ron Artest: Ron Artest is a professional basketball player, but he is also known for running into the stands and punching basketball fans in the head. He seems like a very sweet guy who is not crazy at all.
Ryan O’Neal: Ryan O’Neal dated Farrah Fawcett for a very long time. He also enjoys drugs. He has been arrested for use of methamphetamines and been to jail twice. He was also in an episode of “Perry Mason.”
David Arquette: Courtney Cox married David Arquette. Later they stopped being married. In between, he was in some movies I didn’t watch. He also was a professional wrestler for a while.
Rob Kardashian: He is Kim’s brother. That is about all he has ever done.
Who wouldn’t want to watch these train wrecks learn how to Cha-Cha? (Still me, but I’m a notorious party pooper.)
These celebrities will help drive the 13th season towards the top of the ratings once again, providing us with news story after news story about how these stars are dancing. Odds are it isn’t very good, but still decent enough TV for people to continue watching.
If you’re like me and you don’t care about this show at all, you might as well learn to. This show is never going away. Decades from now, we will be on our deathbeds using our last dying breaths to barely mumble, “Please…. turn…. off…. Dancing With…. the…. Stars.”
Besides, what are we going to do? Turn off the TV? Absolutely not.
Someday, mankind might come up with an even better idea than “DWTS.” We’ll have a show that, finally, captures the attention of all mankind. There’s no telling what it will be.
One thing is for sure, though. There will be celebrities outside of their comfort zones. That’s a goldmine.