The Story of Independence Day

Gather around children, listen to what I say

As I tell you of our American Independence Day.


The story began in 1773

When Britain’s stupid king raised the taxes on tea.


 “We won’t stand for this!” the colonists shouted

So into the harbor a shipment was rerouted.


 “Hey, that was our tea!” the British declared.

So they brought muskets to make the colonists scared.


 The colonists and British fought for a few years,

Shooting and killing to a large group of cheers.


 In ’76, the colonists had had enough

So they grabbed their powdered wigs, their horses, their snuff

To Philadelphia they headed so quickly

To create a new country free of British tyranny.


“I’ll write a declaration,” Thomas Jefferson said,

“With words and stuff, and the British we’ll shed.”


 He worked very hard writing that document

 Wishing that a typewriter someone would invent.


He marched into the meeting with his paper in hand

Saying, “Hey Benjamin Franklin, check this thing out man!”

The group read it and thought, “Hey this is okay,”

So they approved it and everyone signed it that day.

(Sorry to interrupt the story, but they actually did not sign it that day. That day they approved it, but it actually wasn’t signed until August. Odd historical fact. Why we celebrate July 4th instead of August 2nd, I have no idea. Weird. Anyways, back to this story)


 “I’ll write really big,” John Hancock declared,

 “So my name will become a synonym for signature.”

 Oh how they laughed, their guffaws echoed ‘cross the land

 Because it was so punk rock to stick it to the man.


 So while eating hotdogs this holiday

 Remember why we celebrate.


 We do it for liberty, for the freedom we love

  But mostly because we want to blow some stuff up.


That is the tale of this country’s birthday

Now get away from me with those sparklers, okay?


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